Spark Into a Flame

Lin

It was a father's job to hate any guy who broke your daughter's heart but I just couldn't hate Elliott. He was a good kid and if he truly didn't still have feelings for Joey then he did the right thing, even if it was hard at the moment. Joey was on meds now and hopefully soon they would kick in. At least we had her back in soccer.

I was worried about a lot of the females in my life. Pippa was having a hard time coping with Alex's somewhat sudden change in attitude towards us and her behavior challenges, plus the wedding planning. We just weren't having the best of luck with our arrangements, and while I tended to take things in stride and brush it off, Pippa was a very detail-oriented person. She was a perfectionist and it killed her not to have everything in place with time to spare. On top of all that, her only biological child had just moved away to college and she missed him like crazy.

Pippa and I had been watching Joey closely around mealtimes. We couldn't monitor her at school for lunch obviously but we had begun insisting that she eat more breakfast and lunch. She said she wasn't hungry and I believed her, but she still needed the right nutrition, especially now that she was playing soccer again. Before her game today I got her to eat some cereal for breakfast and a sandwich for lunch.

She was a teenager and tried to insist I didn't need to come to her games, but I tried to as much as I could. I think she secretly wanted me there especially now that she was struggling. I took Alex with me so Pippa could spend some time with Elliott and Jack. Jack was pretty much obsessed with his older brother and couldn't seem to care less about watching Joey play soccer.

On the subway ride to the field Alex sat on my lap and I let her play some games on my phone. She'd been good that morning so I promised her. Alex was running hot and cold these days. Some days she was perfectly fine and happy but other days, like yesterday, she was impossible. Pippa felt guilty about snapping and spanking her, but I could certainly understand what led to it. Sometimes I didn't know what else to do and got so frustrated. She couldn't be reasoned with when she got into one of her moods; a tiny dictator.

Joey's eyes were glued to her own phone, earbuds in. I suppose that was like any teenager, attached to her phone and social media. Luckily I'd been able to keep her out of the public eye for the most part. Once she'd gotten older it became harder to keep her face off the Internet. She could be her own worst enemy in those terms. Joey was on social media like almost every other teenager, and she should be allowed to be. I made her keep her profiles on lockdown so at least they weren't public.

At the game, Joey went through the motions but wasn't aggressive like she always had been. She looked tired and just lethargic. Still, at least she was being somewhat active and was hanging out with friends. The team won, but barely. Afterwards she quickly found her duffel bag and walked towards me and Alex, head down.

"Ice cream?" I suggested as Alex twirled herself around with my arm.

"Umm...actually can I go out with my friends?"

I was silently thrilled because she hadn't wanted to be social much lately. However, I also had a feeling it was because Elliott was home. Going out with friends meant she could avoid the situation completely.

"Sure," I told her, fishing around for my wallet. "Need some money?"

She nodded and accepted forty bucks from me. She thanked me and then turned to go join her friends again. I'd said the i-word so I knew I couldn't get away with not following through. Alex and I headed to the nearest ice cream shop. She stood up on her tiptoes, looking through the glass at all the flavors. I peered in as she stuck her tongue out to the side, dreaming of all the flavors.

"What are you gonna get today?" I asked, playfully tugging on her ponytail.

"Uhhhh..." she pointed at the glass. "That one!"

"Superman?" I asked. "How could I have guessed?"

She giggled and smiled up at me. Superman was a rainbow flavor and she loved the way it turned her tongue blue. I got her a scoop on a cake cone and got a hot fudge sundae for myself. We sat in the back and began to dig in.

"You've been a good girl today," I commented to her as I pushed my spoon into my ice cream. "I'm proud of you."

She grinned and then licked her cone again. After swallowing her latest lick, she stuck out her tongue and tried to look down at it to see if it was blue. I chuckled on fished out my phone. "Here," I offered, handing it to her with the camera on so she could see herself. She laughed as she stuck out her tongue all the way, completely amused at how blue it was.

"It's soooo bluuueeee!!" she told me excitedly. She took another lick and stuck her tongue out again as she held the phone with her other hand. I could see this ending badly so I asked her to hand it back so she didn't get it sticky. I promised she could look again when she was finished.

"Daddy, is Elliott moving back home again?" she asked me as we ate.

"Not until the summer," I told her. "He's at college now, so he'll live there most of the time. He'll come back at weekends sometimes and at Christmas."

"But I won't see him in the summer if I'm at Grandma and Grandpa's," she pointed out a bit sorrowfully. I hadn't thought about that. With Elliott gone most of the time she'd have fewer opportunities to spend time with him. I loved that they were close, even though they were technically half-siblings. Not even that. Pippa and I weren't married yet.

"Well, he has a longer time off from school so you'll still see him," I pointed out.

"I wish we all lived together," she mused, eyes on her ice cream.

"Yeah?" I asked her.

"Uh-huh," she said. "All of us and Grandma and Grandpa. Then I wouldn't have to make two family trees and I could always see everybody."

I nodded and was silent for several long moments. As the child of immigrants I knew what it was like to be separated from family. Luckily, my parents had sent me to Puerto Rico most summers to spend time with my extended family. It was hard, though, going months without seeing some family members. Sometimes I'd been jealous of classmates who had tons of cousins, aunts and uncles nearby that they'd see constantly. I loved that Joey had her abuelos nearby and my sister was close upstate. They all loved Alex and Jack and had welcomed them into the family with open arms.

"You know, you don't have to think of it as two separate families," I pointed out, glancing at her. "We all love each other and like to be together."

"But Connor says you're not my bio family," she informed me. Connor was her classmate at school who had also been orphaned and happened to live with his grandparents. "And that's not as good."

"Well that wasn't a very kind thing to say," I said. "One type of family isn't better than another. All that matters is that you're loved. And you are."

She was quiet for a few moments as she got to the top of her cone, seemingly focused on the task at hand. I decided to drop the conversation for now. She'd brought it up and I made it a point never to shirk away from difficult conversations with her. I didn't think kids should be talked down to or shouldn't be able to express their opinions. I hoped all my kids felt they could talk to me about anything.

We threw away our trash and I had Alex wash her hands before giving her my phone back to look at her tongue. She insisted on taking a couple selfies and sending them to her grandparents, which I gladly obliged.

When we arrived home, Elliott Jack and Pippa were all on the couch watching Moana. Alex ran over and bounded onto the chair next to Elliott sat, with Jack in his lap. After setting my keys and wallet down I wandered over myself, cuddling in next to Pippa. I kissed her temple as we all relaxed, enjoying this moment as a little family. The moments like this made the hard times bearable. The only person missing was Joey.

Little did I know what she was actually up to. I would soon find out.