𝐖𝐓𝐅 | bts crackfic ✔️

SEVINTEEN pt. 1 (btw)

sigh😑say it with me yall^^^

"YALL ARE SOME MEAN ASS BITCHES." jimin complained, bursting through the restaurant doors in obvious pain. "I CANT BELIEVE YOU FUCKING LEFT ME IN THAT DITCH."

taehyung shrugged. "snitches are bitches that get stitches and fall in ditches. you, my comrade, are a snitch. yOu ToLd HaLi ThAt We StoLe HeR jApAnEsE cAt."

jimin scoffed. "and? hali was having a mental breakdown without it. so, i did the most rational thing i could do and told her where it was!"

"k can you fucking sit down now. the waiter is behind you and i'm sTaRvInGgGggGg." jungkook sang.

jimin looked behind him only to be startled by the tall, slenderman lookin ass waiter. "o shiT." he muttered quickly sitting down. "that scared the fuck out of me."

the waiter cleared his throat and smiled. "good evening gentleman. my name is bob and i will be your waiter for today. can i start you off with a drink?"

"i'll have a cola." namjoon started.

jin looked deep in thought. "do you by any chance have champagne?"

the waiter chuckled creepily, making jimin shudder. "why, in fact we do!"

jin clapped. "excellent!"

"ah yes i'd like a bottle of vodka please." yoongi informed, as he gave a blank stare at the waiter.

"do you mean a shot-"

"no, no, i know what i said bob. i want a b o t t l e." yoongi squinted his eyes, glaring at the abnormally tall man.

"r-right. yes, okay." the waiter quickly scribbled it down.

hobi beamed. "i want sprite!"

jimin sighed. "i'll have wine please."

"hi bob. my name is kim taehyung. it's nice to meet you. i read a lot about you on yelp, and it seems that you're not exactly a fan favorite. but that's okay! we'll give you a shot to see if you really are an asshole. oh! also what's your last name?"

the waiter, or bob, looked quizzical. "my last name is kim-"

"KIM BOB DNKDDJKSKDJOSEONDJDWJEHDJDOSDJKSOSDJDJJDJDJDHDKSKSJDKSIDHDJSKWOWPOWIWHDGDJSOWHSBDKSHFJDPWIEHDSUDHDOSHDDKODHDHSEKPWUWGSGWKSDDJOFGIJDJEOWISHDKEDHDKPWHWQHOQOCHDJEJHDK." jimin was wheezing under the table, occasionally letting out what sounded like a donkey noise.

bob started to look uncomfortable.

"oh and yeah by the way, i want orange juice." taehyung said.

namjoon leaned forward to look at tae. "didn't you just brush your teeth?"

taehyung looked back. "and?"

namjoon just slid down his chair, done with life.

jungkook felt nervous under bob's gaze. there was something off about that waiter. "i-i'll have a fuckn banana milk yo."

bob's grin stretched, getting bigger, and jimin got goosebumps. "alrighty i'll be back with your drinks!"

taehyung suddenly whipped out a computer and immediately started typing away. "did anyone else want him to shove a banana in a sock into his mouth."

"bitch he's scary!" jimin exclaimed. everyone nodded in agreement.

"okay so i went on to SketchyRestaurants.com and i searched Kim Bob. if he really wasn't weird, he wouldn't show up as a result, but he did."

jimin whimpered. "please hali, let this be a joke."

tae was engrossed with the screen. "i clicked on the first file, and there's bob. the picture though...it's not just any picture, but a mug shot."

namjoon's eyes widened along with everyone else's.

"and get this. kim bob isn't his real name. his real name is kim suho. apparently, he has a record for 'drugging men in their 20's then taking them to his house, holding them captive'."

"y-yah.." jungkook lightly tugged on namjoon's sleeve. "isn't that jackson hyung?" the youngest pointed towards another table across the restaurant. at first glance, he just saw a man laying his head on the table, but the more namjoon squinted, he could make out that it truly was jackson passed out.

everybody was astonished but before they could saying anything, 'bob' was coming back. his stupid grin was now a smirk, only making him creepier. taehyung quickly shoved his computer in his pants.

"here are your drinks." bob said, placing them down. "are you ready to order?"

jin fake laughed, which seemed a bit too over exaggerated and...obvious. "aHaHa yes! yes we are!"

"um i'll have a steak..." namjoon stated.

jin was still 'laughing' nervously. "i'll have shrimp aHaHa."

yoongi yawned, side-eyeing bob. "i'll stick to my vodka thank you very much."

hobi looked pale. "i-uh-i-i'll have cheese sticks."

"i-i'll have s-some chicken fettuccine a-alfredo." jimin said, almost crying.

"i'll have sushi, bob." taehyung emphasized, looking up from his menu with a deadly stare.

"a-and i'll h-have a salad y-you b-bitch." jungkook finished, almost choking on his milk.

"will that be all?" bob asked.

namjoon nodded. the waiter then left.

yoongi already inhaled half of his bottle. "so what *hiccup* y'all *hiccup* gonna do?"

taehyung looked around. "what we're not gonna do is eat the food. that probably where he gon get us." taehyung was thinking. "we need evidence. we need to record him putting shit in the food. we need a picture of jackson, and we need to save the file."

"who's gonna be the spy?" jimin asked.

"you."