Being gay is a curse when the homophobia you grew up with was so bad that you're homophobic yourself. Especially when you're into unavailable guys like your roommate, whose girlfriend is everything you're not (though appearances can be deceiving). S...
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It was the golden hour.
I had brought my camera, but I wasn't taking any pictures. I was walking around and waiting for the perfect moment. All I needed was one person—or a couple—walking ahead of me just far enough that I could capture their entire shadow, but there were too many people. There was always someone in the way, ruining the shot.
Eventually, I gave up and started putting my camera away, making a mental note to come here again later in the year when the day ended at a different time, but then I turned around to find a pair of girls coming my way and I quickly lifted the camera to my face.
I peered through the viewfinder, zoomed in on the girls and pressed the shutter button right when they laughed. The setting sun beautifully painted their smiling faces orange and highlighted their hair and I didn't even notice until I'd taken the picture that their arms were linked. I smiled to myself as I remembered myself walking right here on the sidewalk just like that with my ex-girlfriend three years ago.
I had just started transitioning back then, and Bianca was by far the most supportive girlfriend I could have ever wished for. Then again, most of the girls I'd gone out with didn't really care about what I had in my pants.
Guys on the other hand...
Okay, I knew I was just really unlucky, because there were definitely men out there who didn't care, but I had personally only had bad experiences with them. Nate was literally the first guy who didn't immediately ask me about my nonexistent dick after finding out that I was trans.
I'd honestly been pretty scared to tell him about my YouTube channel, thinking he'd either ignore me or give me shit after discovering my secret, because we didn't really know each other that well when he'd asked me for my username. But he'd simply sent me a message to let me know that he was interested, sat down in that diner with me and asked questions about me being transgender despite clearly not knowing jack shit about it, then agreed to go out with me again, and then went on an actual fucking date with me, and we kissed.
I think it's safe to say that it wasn't a problem anymore.
I was fucking ecstatic and I couldn't wait to see him again. I'd become addicted to his low voice and that soft, rare chuckle, and his dark eyes, which seemed to study every single detail of his surroundings at all times. It was almost unnerving how often he was looking at me when he thought I wasn't looking—but in a good way. He made me nervous and giddy and I hated it, but I also kinda liked it...
I must have looked like a lovestruck idiot as I put the camera away again with a wide smile on my face, making my way back to my apartment before it could get even colder now that the sun was gone. Another thing I couldn't wait for: spring. Winter was just cold and outrageously boring when there was no snow. My favorite season would always be spring.
I pulled my scarf up to cover my frozen nose and smiled to myself again behind the red and white wool as I grabbed my phone to send Nate a message, asking him what his favorite season was. I put my phone back into my pocket as I waited for him to come online to reply to my message, and the moment I'd reached my apartment, I heard the notification sound.
