Being gay is a curse when the homophobia you grew up with was so bad that you're homophobic yourself. Especially when you're into unavailable guys like your roommate, whose girlfriend is everything you're not (though appearances can be deceiving). S...
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Being invited to someone's birthday was usually a joyous occasion, but I could only see this turning into a horrible weekend. Of course I was looking forward to seeing my parents and my siblings again, but God, please let it be just a birthday. Let it be about celebrating life, getting older, and receiving presents. If everyone could avoid the subject of relationships for just one day, I would be happy. It might even be fun.
Carl was texting me while I was on the train, complaining about YouTube—something about copyright. I couldn't focus at all. I kept imagining conversations and preparing answers to questions that hadn't even been asked. I knew they were coming despite my hopes. I knew it wouldn't be just about Micah's and Terrence's birthday.
Carl: hey
Carl: am i boring you?
I didn't realize how little I was responding until then. I didn't even realize the album I was listening to had ended. I pulled out my earbuds with a sigh, ignoring the stab of guilt in my gut, and quickly typed a reply.
Me: I'm sorry, I'm just distracted
Carl: because of your family?
Carl: i'm sure it'll be fine
Me: I don't doubt that it'll be fine
Me: I'm just really dreading it
He started typing, then stopped, and a few seconds later, he was calling me. I pushed my earbuds back in and accepted the call.
"Hi," he said.
"Hi."
It was quiet for a moment, and then he said, "I actually... uh, don't have anything to say. I just wanted to talk. I wish I could be there, but that would be a very bad idea."
"Yeah," I sighed.
"What would they think of me if I was there as, like... your friend? If they didn't know that I was trans or pan or anything like that?"
"I don't know," I replied honestly. "I would hope they'd like you, but I don't know."
"Well, I mean... We don't have to think about this now, but maybe... someday, I could meet them. They might be cool with it someday."
"I hope so. I'd like to meet your mom first, though."
"Oh, yeah, you should!"
For the remainder of the train ride, we made plans to visit his mom, talked about what it would be like for me to meet her in real life after seeing her in Carl's video, and turned the conversation back around to YouTube. This time I did listen.
By the time I'd reached my stop, I knew everything there was to know about copyright infringement and how people abused the system YouTube used to fight that, and what that did to a creator's channel. Carl was... quite frustrated with it, despite not being personally involved. His ranting had apparently been spurred by something that had happened to his friend Joey.
