Being gay is a curse when the homophobia you grew up with was so bad that you're homophobic yourself. Especially when you're into unavailable guys like your roommate, whose girlfriend is everything you're not (though appearances can be deceiving). S...
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I didn't tell Jackson about my parents and their flawless plan to come and talk to me on campus. I wouldn't be there. It wasn't happening. I lay with my head on Jackson's chest in his bed and watched Netflix shows on his laptop. He'd asked me what I wanted to do, so I told him that this was what I wanted to do. It was the next best thing. I couldn't turn back time. I couldn't change the past.
Somewhere between two episodes, he said, "Nate says he's not coming back tonight."
I turned my head to look at his phone, but he'd already turned it off. "He's staying over?"
"Seems like it."
I nodded. At least he and Carl were having fun then. I put my head back on Jackson's chest and looked at the screen again. Altered Carbon was entertaining, but it wasn't exactly improving my mood. I didn't think anything could improve my mood now.
Jackson pushed a strand of hair behind my ear and whispered, "Wanna take the opportunity?"
"Not in the mood," I muttered.
He dropped his hand. "Oh... okay."
I clenched my fists around his shirt. I knew I should tell him why, but I couldn't. I wouldn't even know how to put it to words.
I had always been so sure of everything and now I wasn't sure of anything.
The thought of meeting up with my parents made my hands shake. I knew what they would say and I knew it would get stuck in my head. I wouldn't be able to let it go. It was already there, looming over me, waiting for the dams to break.
I rubbed my eyes with a sigh and whispered, "Can we just go to bed? It's my first day at the restaurant tomorrow and I have to do well if I want to be hired."
"Of course," he said softly, shutting the laptop. He ran his hands through my hair for a moment, and it was quiet. The only sound in the room was our breathing, and then, when he cleared his throat. My stomach dropped when he asked, "You okay?"
"Yeah," I said.
He hummed. I felt the vibrations in his chest against my cheek. He didn't believe me. I didn't even believe me. Was I okay?
I would be, surely.
I barely slept that night. When Jackson's alarm went off, I was already wide awake. My eyes hurt when I opened them, and my head and my stomach were even worse. When Jackson pushed me off him to get up from the bed and asked if I wanted to get breakfast together, I murmured, "Not hungry. I'm gonna skip today."
He crouched beside me. "What's wrong? Are you sick?"
I shook my head. "Just a little dizzy and nauseated."
"Will you be able to go to work then?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine."
He planted a soft kiss on my forehead. "Okay, beautiful. Text me if you need anything."
