Being gay is a curse when the homophobia you grew up with was so bad that you're homophobic yourself. Especially when you're into unavailable guys like your roommate, whose girlfriend is everything you're not (though appearances can be deceiving). S...
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The way back home from my brother's party wasn't filled with laughter like it was on the way there. I felt like everyone knew that I knew it was because of my aunt, but nobody dared to mention it. My fingers were still itching. Henrietta had left before I could say anything. I was restless. Unsatisfied.
My brows seemed to be perpetually stuck in a frown.
Jamie was driving again, and I was in the passenger seat, though I wasn't sure when and why we'd decided to sit like that. I had no idea if Phyllis, Hector and Lily had even agreed to it. I wasn't paying attention to them, to be honest. I was staring out of the window so I could forget about everything that'd happened today. I was focusing all my energy on staring at the trees planted by the side of the road, flashing by, one by one.
It wasn't working.
That tight and heavy feeling in my chest wasn't going away.
As soon as the car was parked in the campus parking lot, Lily announced that she was going to bring it back to her sister, and I could only nod and force a smile onto my face, and watch Hector get back in the car with her. They could throw the car off a cliff for all I cared.
After everyone had left, I didn't have to say anything to Jamie about going to his room. We were somehow already on our way there. Sometimes I thought that he could read my mind. Maybe it would be better if he could. I wanted to talk, but I didn't know how. I kind of only knew how to scream it isn't fair!
Austin was lying on his bed with a laptop on his lap and headphones on his head, but I couldn't find it in me to care. It wouldn't be the first time that he was there while Jamie and I wanted to be alone. At this point, did it even matter? I waved at him when he smiled at us in greeting, and then collapsed onto Jamie's bed.
"Emmett," Jamie sighed.
"What?" I groaned as he unceremoniously dropped himself on top of me.
"Hey, don't let it get to you like that."
I reached up to move his hair out of his face. "There's not an ounce of blue left in here. Are you gonna get it colored again or are you going back to blond?"
"Don't change the subject. Why are you so angry?"
"I'm always angry."
"Come on."
Eventually, I said, "I'm just sick of it."
He propped his chin up on my chest and asked, "Of what?"
I cast my eyes up at the ceiling for a moment, letting out a deep sigh. He knew what I was sick of. He just wanted me to say it.
Alright, fine.
"It's so easy for everyone to say just ignore them, but it is far from easy to... to actually do it. Day in, day out—oh, try as I might, I can't just fucking ignore it. You know what I mean, right? Why should we have to stomach it? Why can't they just get their heads out of their asses and accept that we're different?"
