A lamplighter is hard at work outside as we hear fiddle music coming from the inn.
Amidst the animal heads, antlers, and drunken villagers, there is an even sadder sight, Gaston. He drowns his sorrows in ale while Lefou listens.
Picture it, LeFou -- a rustic cabin. My latest kill roasting on the fire. Adorable children running around us while my love rubs my tired feet. But what does Adeline say? "I will never marry you, Gaston."
Lefou said, You know, there are other girls.
The village lasses perk up.
"Yes! There are other girls!
A great hunter doesn't waste his time on rabbits. Gaston said.
The lasses deflate. "Awww!" LeFou decides it's time to cheer up his best friend/boss. Thus begins "Gaston."
Gosh it disturbs me to see you. Gaston looking so down in the dumps Every guy here'd love to be you Gaston Even when taking your lump. There's no man in town as admired as you You're everyone's fa-vor-ite guy Everyone's awed and inspired by you And it's not very hard to see why sang Lefou
LeFou gives a nod and a large tip to the fiddle player in the corner, who nods back, and begins to play...
No one's slick as Gaston. No one's quick as Gaston. No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston. For there's no man in town half as manly Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on! Sang Lefou
Lefou hops onto the bar, squeezing himself between Tom, Dick, and Stanley.
Tom/Dick/Stanley
Who plays darts like Gaston? Who breaks hearts like Gaston?
Lefou
Who's much more than the sum of his parts like Gaston?
Gaston's confidence growing, soon sang
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating
LeFou hails a barmaid and buys everyone a round of drinks. The villagers raise their mugs and cheer.
My what a guy, that Gaston!
Gaston stands, and clasps LeFou in gratitude...
I needed encouragement; thank you, LeFou
Well, there's no one as easy to bolster as you!
... only to find himself in an uncomfortably tight hug.
No one fights like Gaston Douses lights like Gaston! In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!
LeFou moves his shirt up his arm to show an old wrestling wound - a nice teeth impression courtesy of Gaston. The villagers gasp.
When I hunt, I sneak up with my quiver And beasts of the field say a prayer First I carefully aim for the liver Then I shoot from behind!
Gaston leaps onto the bar, and is handed a huge blunderbuss, with which he mimes shooting LeFou.
Is that fair?
I don't care Gaston replied to Lefou
And Gaston fires the rifle into the ceiling! Plaster rains
No one hits like Gaston Matches wits like Gaston Sang the Villagers
In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston sang Lefou
I'M ESPECIALLY GOOD AT EXPECTORATING!
Gaston spits a big gloppy mess into a spittoon: bullseye! Then, he moves around the inn, holding court.
Ten points for Gaston!
When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs Ev'ry morning to help me get large
On one shoulder, Gaston lifts a pretty village girl. On the other, he lifts LeFou.
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs. So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
The crowd hollers. Gaston jumps on a long table. The table's height plus his massive frame make him seem 10 feet tall. He engages in a dance-break sword-fight with several village men, besting them all, until he's perfectly positioned beneath a ceiling mural, mimicking it exactly. Gaston, saber raised, victorious in battle with LeFou swooning at his feet.
Who has brains like Gaston? Entertains like Gaston?
Who can make up these endless Refrains like Gaston?
Gaston tromps on the table. He arrives at his wall of animals, heads and antlers
I use antlers in all of my
Say it again - who's a man
decorating! among men?
And let's say it once more
Who's that hero next door?
Who's a super success?
Don't you know? Can't you guess? Ask his fans and his five hangers-on There's just one guy in town
Who's got all of it down...
And his name's 'G-A-S-T... '
Gaston!
The villagers cheer as Gaston returns to his seat. Gaston slaps LeFou on the shoulder, genuinely moved.
Ah LeFou, you're the best. How is it that no girl has snatched you up yet? Said Gaston
I've been told I'm clingy, but I really don't get it... Lefou said
Just then,the door flies open to reveal a wild-eyed Maurice.
Help! Somebody help me! We have to go... not a minute to lose...
Whoa. Slow down, Maurice. Said the Tavern Keeper
He's got Adeline... locked in a dungeon!
Who's got her? Said the Tavern Keeper
A beast... a horrible monstrous beast!
The patrons begin to laugh.
My eldest daughter's life is in danger, why do you laugh!? His castle is hidden in the woods. It's already winter there!
Winter in June? Said Jean
Crazy old Maurice. Clothilde said.
The beast is real! Do you understand?! Will no one help me?!
I'll help you, Maurice! Said Gaston realizing this an opportunity to marry Adeline.
You will? Said Lefou.
The villagers murmur in surprise.
Gaston winks at LeFou. Everyone! Stop making fun of this man at once!
Maurice approaches. So grateful.
Thank you, Captain. Thank you.
Don't thank me, Maurice. Lead us to the beast.
Maurice exits. Gaston follows, gesturing to LeFou.
Lefou (finally getting it)
Ohhh.
YOU ARE READING
Beauty and the Beast
RomanceAdeline is the eldest daughter of Maurice and the older sister to Calliope. Went her father "steals" a Rose he's in a castle with a Beast who is under a spell. When she trades spots with him she has to stay forever. Will she be able to do that and w...
