𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫𝐬

007 - contemplate

contemplate
《 ˈkän(t)əmˌplāt 》
verb
think about

—JIN
I look at her, her eyes bloodshot, but still dark and serious. I know she wasn't joking but at the same time I kept contemplating on whether she was actually joking or not. I walk to her, footsteps pounding on the wooden floors. "Joohyun? Are you sure you want me to date you?"

I remember the words I said earlier, "You're using me aren't you? Irene?" But it was true, wasn't it. People that were desperate for love and for someone to care for them always went to the extremes...just like Irene. Although there would be always something tempting, an itching feeling to take her offer, but I couldn't. I would never be someone's rebound.

Irene smiles, trying to faze me away from her bloodshot eyes "Yes, I do want do date you."

—IRENE
I look at Jin with dazzling eyes, just, begging I really couldn't stand it. I needed a way to be free my, endless tears, the endless repetition of crying, moping. I need to be free.

He takes a deep breath "Irene," he pauses a little hesitant, "I will date you, but on one condition this is fake, it will never be something else, something real."

I nod, my eyes a little red, and about to spill tears. Your so stupid, Joohyun. Did you really think he would want to date you? You're just like what she say Irene, a stupid little girl. I look at Jin and smile, my hands clenched and fingers digging into my palms to stop myself from crying. I couldn't do this, where was that girl from just a few moments ago? The one that was so brave and fearless?

Where did she go?

And why is she replaced with that weak, useless girl again?

I push my cheeks higher, making them burn so I could push away the tears from forming. Jin looks at me, and softly says "Joohyun ah, you should go home it's getting late."

"Okay."

I walk out, the cold night air embraces me, chilling me every so often. My eyes travel up to the sky, the dark blue mixing in with bright stars, as they shine, lonely, but not alone. On the other hand, I was a little star, alone and sad with no one to lean on. I was useless. Teases started pouring out, one by one, and slowly sliding my cheek making streaks of my cheek wet.

I didn't want to be alone, but every time I tried to find someone to lean on I end up with nobody. In this world filled approximately 7.53 billion people why am I still alone? When I finally grasp onto that feeling of attention, and kindness, I lose it in moments.

Just like a mirror, when the person leaves, the reflection in the mirror disappears. The mirror's temporary personality, disappears. Like water, it has no shape, but put in a glass for a short while it gives a temporary shape. So why do all the people I need leave?

When I try so har to hold onto them...they still leave. Abandoning me, until I'm nothing but a mere corpse rotting away in melancholy.

The tears fall harder the more I think of Jin, my members, and him. So why is it that, the people you love most always leaves you first?

The galaxy is vast, large and empty but the same time, filled, brimming with stars and planets. Just like Earth. It's vast and empty but filled with life all around. It's beautiful, I wish to say..but I can't because no matter what I'm lonely and just a stupid girl who dreams of a fantasy.

A happy ending.

—JIN
I look at Irene from here, I see her eyes brimming with tears, daring to fall out whenever they form. But in the end they still fall out.

And I fell, fell to dark deep depths of my heart, where my darkest secrets where kept. Where I constantly contemplated why I did that. And what are my feelings? Albeit at the same time i was a fraud, a fake. Synthetic, and "Still real."

—AUTHOR'S NOTE
Hi! Thank you some much for the amount views I've got. I also know that I haven't posted in forever but I'll like to say that I will now post every other Wednesday starting from today!