I Believe in You

Shattered

I was directly in the middle of a twenty four hour shift racking my exhausted brain over the images of an MRI scan in the radiology lab when Conrad walked in.
"Meghan." The way he said my name was strange causing me to turn and give him my full attention.
"What's wrong?" I asked wiping my face.
Conrad walked towards me and crouched down in front of me taking my hands.
"Your dad has been trying to get ahold of you. Your mom was brought to the ER not breathing." He said.
My heart pounded in my chest and I could feel my breathing quicken.
"Irving was the recieving doctor and he began CPR and pushed epi to try to restart her heart but he she didn't make it." He told me.
"No. She was getting chemo at Lane's clinic." I whispered a tear falling from my eye.
"Her body gave out, Meg. Baby, I'm so sorry."
"No. You're wrong. I just saw her yesterday. She was doing better. Conrad, she was doing better!" I cried.
Conrad tried to pull me into his arms as I fell out of my chair onto my knees on the floor. He sat next to me, pulled me into his arms and just held me in his arms rocking me back and forth as my heart shattered.
It took fifteen minutes for me to calm down enough to move from the lab to the sleeping quarters where Irving sat.
"Meghan. I'm so sorry." He stood up.
I let him hug me hugging him back.
"It's not your fault. I know you did everything you could. Thank you for trying." I said fighting back more tears.
I couldn't imagine trying to save the family member of a friend and ultimately failing.
Irving left leaving Conrad and I alone again.
"Your dad hasn't left her side and your brother and sister are in the waiting room." He said gently touching me again.
Since he'd told me his hands were always on me comforting and protective.
"Do they know?" I asked leaning towards him.
"Yeah, they do."
"Will you get them and bring them to the room? They should get..." My words caught in my throat.
"Get a chance to say goodbye."
I had to stop trying to force my tears to stop falling. It wasn't any use.
"Okay, sweetheart. I love you, Meghan." He kissed my head and reluctantly left me alone.
I changed back into my street clothes before my cellphone glowed on the table.
UNKNOWN
"Hello?" I answered forcing my voice to stay even.
"Meghan? It's Brianna. Seth and I need to see you." Brianna's voice said urgently.
"Now isn't a good time." I sighed.
"It's about your mom. Her death." She insisted.
"How do you know about that?" I asked angrily.
"We still have ears in the hospital. Meghan, I'm sorry. This is important." She almost begged.
"Fine, when?" I asked exasperated.
"Tonight. Midnight."
"Where?"
"In the parking lot of Mary Hamilton Park."
She hung up leaving me confused. Ultimately I decided to keep the phone call to myself; instead focusing on saying goodbye to my mother.
By the time I made it to the room my brother, sister and father stood in the hallway with Conrad.
My legs unsteady as I walked silently to the doorway and looking into see my mom seemingly sleeping in the hospital bed. I took a deep breath and walked alone into the room up to her bed.
Her hand was warm when I took it and she truly looked like she was asleep.
"Mommy." I whispered looking down at her.
"Mommy, I'm so sorry."
I cried doubling over pressing my forehead to her unmoving fingers.
I tried hard to remember what her hug felt like or what her voice sounded like when she'd comfort me. I stood up as best as I could and held her hand to my chest. I caught sight of my engagement ring and cried harder coming to the realization that she wouldn't be able to see our wedding. All those things mothers and daughters do to prepare for a wedding we wouldn't get to do together.
"I love you, mommy. I hope I've made you proud."
One of my tears fell and hit her face as I leaned forward to press my lips to her forehead.
"Goodbye, mommy."
I tried so hard to leave her side but I couldn't. Eventually, Conrad came in and gently pulled me away from her until I turned into his arms and cried.
"I know, baby. I know. I'm so sorry, Meghan. I talked to Claire and we're both on LoA for at least a week. If you need more time she'll give it to us, okay?" He whispered rubbing my back.
I nodded into his shoulder.
"The funeral home is sending a car for her." My dad told us as Conrad and I walked out of the room.
Hearing his voice crack caused the tears to come again.
"I can't be here for that." I forced out through my tears.
"I was hoping you and Conrad could take Elena and Logan home while I wait for them."
"Of course, James. Whatever you need." Conrad answered as I nodded.
We sat in silence as Conrad drove us to my parent's house... my father's house? Elena and Logan walked up to the front door and I couldn't get myself to open the car door.
"Conrad. I can't go in there. Not tonight. I can't be here when she's not." I started crying again.
"Baby. It's okay, Meghan. It's okay. I'll talk to Elena and we'll go home."
I watched him run up to the house as my phone rang again.
"Irving?" I answered.
"Meghan. I know this is a terrible time but I didn't want you to hear it through the grapevine. Seth Adams and Brianna Wolf were just brought into the ER in an apparent murder/suicide. I know they were yours and Conrad's mentors and I just wanted you to know." He said.
"Thank you." I said flatly.
"Again, Meghan, I'm so sorry."
"I know. Thank you."
I hung up the phone and looked at the time. Eleven thirty one. I had a message from an unknown number.
GO TO THE PARK. Sent at ten o'clock. Roughly an hour after I'd found out my mom passed away and talked to Brianna.
Conrad climbed back into the car.
"Will you take me to Mary Hamilton Park?" I asked earning me a look of confusion.
"It's almost midnight?"
"Please, Conrad. It's important." I insisted.
"Okay, baby. Okay." He conceded.
There was a single car in the park's parking lot in front of a bench.
I climbed out of the car with Conrad behind me as I looked into the car to find it empty. I walked cautiously to the bench.
"Meghan, there's nothing here. Let's go home." He called.
I sat down on the bench and felt the underside on a hunch.
There attached to the bottom of the bench was a small file with my mother's name on it.
"What is that?" He asked as I pulled it out.
"I'm not sure. Let's get out of here."
I rushed back to the car and we drove away.