Bad Love | z.d.j

It's gettin' heavy, I can see it on your face

SOPHIA

🥀

When Zabdiel and I first started dating, he never wanted to take me to his house. He said it was small and messy, a place that wasn't "worthy of my presence," but he did eventually take me.

I parked in front of his neighbors car since his driveway was occupied by two cars. I was slowly regretting because something told me it was Janella's car. Zabdiel used to have a roommate but decided to live alone for some time now. And from what I know, his ex-roommate moved to North Carolina. 

I didn't bother to even call him because I was aware he wanted to avoid me at all costs. Surprisingly, his grass was freshly cut and the pathway to his door was clean. I felt a small pinch inside thinking that maybe Janella was good for him but I scoffed at that. Am I really thinking that just because his grass is cut and the exterior of his house looks good?

The once broken doorbell was now nicely screwed into the right side of the door. I glared at the poor device before harshly pressing on it and taking my annoyance out on it by not lifting my finger off of it.

"Sophie?"

My head quickly whipped around, startled with wide eyes. He stood behind me with a confused look but also as if he was expecting this.

"Hi," I shakily sighed as I played with one of my rings on my index finger.

"Que haces aquí? Did, um, did something happen?"

I was pretty much a big baby when it came to confrontation and it was really showing right now. Those hard words I had planned were gone the minute I saw him again and I cursed him for having that control over me.

"Sophie?"

"We need to talk."

His shoulders slumped and he sighed. "Talk about what?"

"Us. We need to talk about -"

"Sophia, there is no more us," he quietly cut me off. "There is no more need to talk because it's over."

"You called it off... you didn't even let me say anything."

Zabdiel scoffed, walking past me to get to his door. "That wouldn't have made a difference. I didn't want to be with you anymore and that's that. Just because you wanted to I wouldn't have changed my mind because I am not going to be in something I don't want to be."

"You're hiding something from me." I weakly replied, ignoring his harsh words and indifferent eyes. "You don't really love Janella."

"Well, I like her more than I ever liked you."

My pent up rage began to take over me because before either of us could tell, I pushed him by the shoulders. "You're just cruel. I have no fault in this. You used me and you wanna act like this?"

"I didn't -" he cut himself off and I saw the heaviness in his eyes and body language. "Sophia... just...go."

"You didn't what?" I aggressively pushed, getting closer to him. "Tell me."

"Sophia," he breathed out, finding it hard to form words. "I don't want to hurt you more than I already did. I'm with Janella now and that's who I'm going to be with for a good while."

"What are you trying to say?" I snarled but at the same time hurt by his words.

"You should find someone else."

I froze, staring at him with shock and disgust. "Go to hell." I whispered, brushing past him with a burning sensation in my chest. I regretted the moment I thought this would be a good idea. I regretted everything with him.

"You're right." I suddenly said, not bothering to turn around to face him. "It was stupid of me to come here. It was stupid of me to think that there were no truth to your words. It was stupid of me to even be with you to begin with. Let's never see each other again."

My face burned with shame as I threw my bag inside the car. I could still see him standing by his door, staring at me and it only embarrassed me more. I stepped on the petal as soon as the engine turned on. Both of my hands tightly clung onto the steering wheel, squeezing it until my knuckles turned white. Slowly, my grip began to loosen up and the tears began to swarm up in my eyes.

The light turned red and I looked around to see if anyone was looking but there were no cars. The road was lonely. There were no people at the bus stop. I was alone.

I faced the steering wheel again, wrapped my arms around it and sobbed. Everything around me was silenced and everything was black. I cried and never looked up to see if the light changed.

I had to forget him.