I want to drink the night away. Yung tipong langong lango na ako na hindi ko alam paano ako makakauwi. Yung magigising nalang akong nasa kwarto ko na kinabukasan, minus the hangover. I don't want to see anybody sa bahay. Ayokong makausap si mama, at lalong ayokong makita si papa kung andun man siya.
My older sister left the house when she was in college. Gusto daw nyang maging independnet, that is what she told papa, pero just between the two of us, hindi nya na talaga kayang makita ang kalagayan ng nanay namin.
===
We were having dinner. That was a Sunday and since very seldom na namin makasama sa bahay ang tatay ko, mama made sure na we get to eat together. She was so busy the whole day while papa was asleep.
Everyone was quiet. I was secretly praying that ate will just stick to her meal and not utter a single word.
===
Before dinner, she went to my room and hugged me tight. I knew what was coming until mama called us and said dinner is ready. I didn’t want to break the hug. I didn’t want to let go of her knowing it might be the last time I’ll be having her in my room. She was teary eyed when she took my hands off her back and looked me straight in the eyes.
"Potch, you know I love you, right?"
I just nodded.
"I love you and mama so much."
I know she was silently crying. Her voice is breaking while talking to me.
"I just can’t take it anymore. I can’t handle the stress. I just can’t anymore."
I wanted to tell her na ako din naman nahihirapan, and having her with me is the only consolation I truly have.
I just looked at her, tears down my cheeks. I wanted to beg her to stay but I know mas mahiirapan lang siya.
I hugged her again, ever so tight before she left the room.
=====
Ate was fidgeting halfway into dinner. I was seated beside her. On her left. Mama opposite her seat.
I was looking at her as if asking her to look back. I know na alam nyang tinitignan ko siya at alam kong ayaw nyang tumingin sa akin dahil pwedeng magbago ang isip nya into leaving.
I looked at mama who had no clue what ate was about to say. She seemed happy, more of thrilled. Kailan na nga ba yung huling beses na sabay sabay kameng naghapunan.
She was the ever gracious hostess. Nilalagyan ng pagkain ang plate ng tatay ko. Exaggerated na nga dahil hindi na siya makakain habang pinagsisilbihan si papa. Until papa raised a hand as if telling mama to stop what she was doing.
My mama, the submissive wife that she is suddenly stopped. Slumped on her seat.
That was heartbreaking. Seeing my mom got all her excitement thrown out of the window. I wanted to curse papa and call him out but I will never get the courage to do such that. I swore I will never ever be with any man as I don’t want to experience what my mom has been going through. One of the many times I told myself I will never be like mom.
"Kamusta ang pagaaral mo Mika?" Papa said without looking at me. Focused on his food.
It took me a few seconds before I was able to answer.
"Maayos naman po." I was actually running for honors but did not bother to tell him knowing he doesn’t even really care.
"Maganda ang grades ng bunso mo. She is running for..." Mama said when papa cut her.
"E yung pagvovolleyball mo? Hindi ba nakakaapekto sa grades mo?"
"Hindi naman po." I answered and looked at ma.
"Hindi ka na ba ulit sasali sa student board?"
"Baka po hindi na dahil mawawalan po ako ng oras" I said forcing myself to look at him.
He was still focused on his food.
"Sinabi ko na kasing itigil mo na yang volleyball na yan. Wala naman magandang idudulot sayo yan. Tumakbo ka nalang ulit for student elections"
This time I was hoping na he would look me straight in the eyes para makita nya how disappointed I am na hindi niya ako sinusuportahan sa napili kong extracurricular.
I pursued volleyball dahil alam kong ayaw nya ito for me. I made sure I am damn good at it to piss him off.
"Ok naman po ang grades ni Mika kahit nagvovolleyball siya pa." Ate to the rescue.
"E ikaw Aereen, kamusta ang pagaaral mo?"
"Uhmm pa..." Ate looked at me, with apologizing eyes.
I know this is it. I bowed my head. Eto na nga yata talaga.
"Pa, gusto ko po sana lumipat dun sa unit natin sa Manila"
Papa looked intently at ate, and raised his right brow.
"Nahihirapan na po kasi ako sa pagtravel to and from school. Yung oras ko po sana para magaral napupunta pa sa travel time ko." This time, ate was looking at mama.
I saw mama's reaction, nakita kong gulat na gulat siya. She did not saw this coming.
"Kaya mo na ba magisa? Baka naman puro pagbubulakbol lang ang atupagin mo."
"Hindi po pa. I was thinking na good move na din ito para maging independent ako, and besides, Mika can stay with me kapag ginabi siya sa training."
Alam ko na pinagiisipan ni papa ang sinabe ni ate. Until his phone rang. Number lang ang lumabas.
Papa looked at mom before he answered the call. I could sense the urgency from the caller dahil parang hysterical ang boses nito. So sobrang lakas, I can actually hear HER shouting.
Yes.
HER.
"Ok, I’m on my way."
With that, my father stood up abruptly. Kissed me and my ate and was about to walk away.
He was about to open the door when ate was able to muster her guts.
"Pa, pwede na ba ako lumipat sa unit?" She shouted.
"Ipaayos mo na sa mama mo ang unit" he said. "Baby, ayusin mo na bukas para makalipat na ang anak mo." He exclaimed without even looking at my mother.
YES.
He left again.
Not even 24 hours in the house. Without even saying goodbye to my mom.
2 days later, nakalipat na ang ate ko sa Maynila.
===
We had a very happy and simple family. Masaya na kame noon magsimba together at kumain sa Jollibee. My father, the hardworking man that he is got promoted almost every year at dito na nagsimula ang kalbaryo ng nanay ko.
Papa started going home ng madaling araw na nakainom. Galing daw sa meetings with foreign investors and since isa siya sa pinagkakatiwaalan ng big bosses, siya parati ang naaassign na mag entertain sa kanila.
At first, once a week ang paguwi nya ng nakainom hangang tumagal ng tumagal e lumala ng lumala. What used to be occasional drinking became a bad habbit. Naging almost every day na siyang umuuwi ng nakainom.
Mama always puts on a good face. Kapag tinatanong namin kung nasaan si papa, busy lang daw sa trabaho. Ang regular na pagsimba namin, naging once in a blue moon. Ang family dinners namin, naging suntok sa buwan.
We were in the mid range. Nakakabili ng kailangan, minsan ng luho. We were not rich but we have what we need. And we were happy. Nang dumami ang pera, naging masalimuot, but hey, now, I get what I want all the time and I have more than enough to do whatever I want to do.
===
"Mika, another glass?" Nagulat ako at napalingon when someone called my attention.
Ryan was in front of me with another drink in his hand. I smiled my sweetest smile and danced with him. Too intimate if I may say so myself.
I was facing the door and I noticed a flock of guys who were about to leave..
"Parang blue eagles yun ah" I silently uttered. True enough, I saw the last two who were by the door.
Ah si Newsome. Teka, sino yung isa..
I then saw the star player. Nagkatinginan pa kame eye to eye before he headed out.
I shrugged then looked back at Ryan. I whispered to him and he chuckled.
In reality, I was thinking of the last eagle who left. Thinking of schemes on how we can be introduced.
“You’re next in line Ravena…”
