Our Untold Stories

What To Say

I heard footsteps faintly walking down the hallway, and opened the door. It was Tonya, like I had expected. I wasn't too excited to see her, but I was highly interested in why she came. Me and her weren't friends, and Zara was in the hospital. What she could've possibly wanted, I had no clue.

"Deena... Hey..." I had Blue in my arms, and his chubby self was babbling up a storm. As Tonya walked closer to the door, her eyes drifted toward him, and she got a look on her face that resembled something like hurt.... I wonder what her problem was..

"T, hi. This visit was a bit... unexpected. What happened? Leo okay?" I couldn't think of anything else she would've came over for...

"He's great actually, besides the little bit of sad he gets when he talks about his sister... Anyways, I know you're probably wondering why I ca-" Pink started crying and I stood up to go see what was wrong, she was fine a few minutes ago when I put her down for a nap.

"Hold on oneeeee sec, let me go see what's wrong with my Rosie." I walked away with Blue to the babies' room and put him down and picked up Pink. "My baaaaaby... What's the matter Pinky? You missed Mommy Dee? You wanna go see Mommy Zara? Come on baby let's get you dressed and we can go see Mommy Zara. Comeeeee on ba-"

"Your family is beautiful." My heart sunk. I didn't even know Tonya was behind me.

"Th-thank you... My babies are my heart, I love them." I put Pink down in her crib and turned around to face the door. "Tonya... I don't mean to sound rude... But is there something you want? A reason you came? Me and you, we don't have such a good history, so what is it you could possibly be here for?"

"Oh..." She stared at me, and then reached in her jacket pocket. "Um... I want you to take this, I feel like it's only right." She held a paper up, and I could see her loopy handwriting on the folded up paper. "I just wanted to clear air between us... Some how, some way... I'll leave now. I just wanted you to have this." I hesistated before taking the paper and placing it on the changing table next to the cribs.

"I'll walk you out..."

In about 2 hours, I was fully dressed, and I was putting the babies' Converses on. We were about to be on our way, and last second I grabbed some blue sweaters for them, because it'd been raining earlier and I didn't know how the crazy temperature was gonna be looking. I looked over at Blue's changing table and saw the paper that Tonya had given me, and decided to pick it up and put it in my jacket pocket, I was interested in what she had to say...

"You guys readyyyyy? You ready to go see Mommy? You want her to come home huh?" Pink started laughing and kicking her feet as I tickled her tummy. "Is my big boy ready? Hmmmm?" I began to tickle him too as I put him in his car seat. "Poppa you readyyyyyy? C'mon we're gonna go! Let's go chubbies. Let's gooooo!" We walked outside and the sun was shining bright... The rain clouds cleared from the skies and I felt good. The twins couldn't stop their giggles, and it kept a smile pasted on MY face because they were so happy.

As we pulled into the parking garage, Blue began to cry. I called his name sing-songy and his lip was still quivering but you could tell it was soothing him. Pink started whining and my head began to heart from it, because it was a bit more like SCREECHING. She was slapping her blanket around and wanted my attention too. I unstrapped their carseats in frustration of all the noise, and let them both keep whining, because I may have been something like a good mom, but I wasn't a damn superhero. They both realized after we started walking in the hospital that I wasn't going to put the carseats down and pick them both up, and they sat with pouts on their faces and crocodile tears in their eyes. "You better fix your faces, my fat babies ain't no punks." I couldn't help but laugh because I knew that was something that Zara would say.

We walked into her room and I put the babies on the chairs I usually sat them in, and pulled them in to Zara's bed. I sat in a chair close to them and grabbed Zara's hand. "Zara, I put them in your favorite color, their sneakers and their sweaters, see? I pulled their sweaters out of my bag to show her, even though I knew her eyes wouldn't open to look. "I put them in blue, just for you... Don't you love it? Aren't they getting big babe? They're growing up man... A month already, a month old. Our babies are growing up..." I put my head down and tears filled my eyes.

"Babies? More than one?" A dry voice said, and I looked up at the door expecting to see someone standing there. "How m-" A few coughs in between the dry voice's words... "How many?" I recognized the voice then and my heart completely dropped. "You gonna answer me?  I can't know how many kids I have?"

"Z-Za-Z-Zara?!" My head flew up, the tears running down my face like a river flow. "ZARA!... Zara-Elise..."

"Deena... Shhhhhhh..." Her eyes fluttered and she squeezed my hand tight, and then her grip grew loose.

"Zara?!" Before I could finish saying her name, her heart rate showed a flatline, and a loud beep went throughout the room. The twins started screaming and bawling, and I was damn near crying the same way. "SOMEONE COME HELP! HELP ME PLEASE!!! HELP HER, COME HELP!!!!!! SHE CAN'T GO NOW, WE'VE GOT TWO BABIES, WE'VE JUST STARTED OUR LIFE TOGETHER, HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN RIGHT NOW?! SOMEONE COME!"

A nurse ran into the room and picked up the carseats and another came behind her and helped me out of the room. "Mrs. Lovell PLEASE... Follow me please. This isn't somewhere you and your babies need to be..."

"With all do respect..." I pieced together through sobs "Fuck that. I need to be with my wife. Do you hear that? She's in there fucking dying. Instead of telling me some bullshit like I don't need  to be at my wife's bed side? GO FUCKING SAVE HER... Please... Go fucking save her, we have a fucking family... I can't do this alone..." I began sobbing harder "I CAN'T!"

I was sitting in the waiting room with my nonstop tears for what seemed like millions of years, and remembered Tonya's paper. I wanted take my mind off of what could've been happening and through my tears, and looked at the paper.

My heart fell and I grew instant hate like no other feeling I ever felt.

May 26th, 2021

Dear Deena,

I know me and you had failed to meet eye to eye... And I know you know I was in love with Zara-Elise, the bitch got me to fall for her hard... And I know you love her, that's your wife. But I found it unfair that we both couldn't have her. So I took her away from both of us. I know you go to see her every day at 12, so I found my way into the hospital and pushed a little something into her IV this morning. She's gone, so now we can have clear air, no problem. 95% chance she's out of both of our lives, and I have Leo now and you have your babies to keep us happy. I hope you rush to the hospital so you can say bye to her. I hope now, we can be friends because our main problem will be gone.

- Tonya