after you left |ai|

2

When you left, you took a piece of me with you. You turned my heart into a puzzle by breaking it and took a few pieces with you, a puzzle that is no longer able to be solved.

I can only hope that one day someone is able to fix it. I can only hope that I won't be stuck on you forever.

I feel like I wasted 7 years of my life by loving you. Yet I would do it all over again because those years were good and I wish they would have lasted forever. I wish you never cheated and I wish you would be holding my hand now while we walk down the street. I miss being loved by you, no matter how much I hate you right now.

I miss our morning coffee and pancake dates before we headed to work, I miss how you came by to bring me coffee and eat with me during our lunch break, I miss having you around.

Yet I am glad you are out of my life. My mind is a mess because of you.

I hate you because I miss you. I hate that you made me feel so loved and safe that I now miss you while you broke me apart. I hate the way you ended things.

I went back to work for the first time today, I started to find a way to get through the day. You left me so broken that I didn't even know how to do that anymore. But the only way to become better than you is to keep on going. To get stronger out of this. To find a way to be on my own.

And that starts with the daily things. Today I got out of bed at the right time, I got dressed and arrived at work 10 minutes early. I didn't have a breakdown during the day. I got through it and that's a first step. It's a first step to being able to be without you.

I walked back into my mom's shop and saw the same brunette sitting by the counter. I walked over and sat down beside her, a coffee was put infront of me straight away without having to ask. I thanked the girl who did it and Jackie looked at me, interested.

"After work coffee?" She asked after a second. She had looked me up and down, curious about the way I dressed, the bag I had put down beside me and the exhausted look I had on my face.

"Yeah, a much needed one." I replied with a chuckle. "So you're going for blue walls in your apartment?" I asked her and she looked at me so confused but nodded, "You have paint in your hair."

"Oh fuck" she said quickly and we both laughed softly. "I really thought I washed it all out." She touched her hair until she had found the hard part that was covered in paint.

"It's a nice kind of blue" I said jokingly and she thanked me with a smile. My attention got drawn to the other side of the counter when my mom walked over to me.

"Dinner tonight at 8, all your brothers are coming over so no excuses and Amber is somewhere here so go say hi if she doesn't see you." She said while walking past with three plates in her arms, she didn't even give me time to argue. But I knew that I had to be at this dinner, I knew more than she did.

"Do you have many siblings?" Jackie asked me and her tone had changed a little from the joking we did earlier. The bright eyes were changed back into the dark ones, the ones I wanted to figure out. I wanted to know the reason behind the dark eyes that took over.

"3 older brothers and a younger sister, Amber." I replied and she laughed softly, "Do you have any?"

"I have-" she said but she stopped mid sentence, her eyes darted back to the cup of coffee, unable to look at me. "I had an older sister" she corrected herself, it explained the mood change in her voice and her eyes. A darkness caused by a loss much bigger than mine.

"I'm so sorry" I replied while I stared at my cup of coffee. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to loose one of them. I love each and every one of my siblings so much and I'd be lost without them, even if we live all across the state. I'm the only one that didn't move further when moving out.