after you left |ai|

3

It's been a month since you left and I'm still struggling to find my way. I sold our bed and bought a new one to try and erase the memories. I brought our couch to a dumpster but I haven't replaced it yet. So I moved our tv to the bedroom. I moved everything around in our kitchen to stop being reminded of all the memories we made there. Chris helped me take away every picture of the two of us. They're all in a box in San Diego now. Incase I ever want them again but to prevent I look at them every day. Because I miss you more than I should.

I wanted to return your shirt today, the one shirt that you forgot to pack. I was going to put it on your doorstep and just leave. But she was there and so were you so I listened even though I shouldn't have. I could hear your laugh while I stood there. I wanted to knock and yell at you but I couldn't.

I realised you are not worth any of my time. So I put down the shirt and got back in my car. You moved to the other side of town. To the side where we wanted to get a house in one of the quiet streets when we would start a family together. But you're starting a family with her now and I can't break up a family.

I wonder if she knew that she fucked you in the bed we fucked in the night before. I wonder if she knew about me. I wonder if she knew you had a girlfriend. Or did you tell her a lie when she asked about my stuff in our apartment?

I wonder if she was the only one.

We got a spare bedroom incase Amber had to come over so you could have said I was your roommate. You could have made up excuses for it but I hope she knows. I hope she knows with what kind of guy she will have a kid with in 4 months.

I let my fingers run alongside the clothes that neatly hung in my closet. I went past the ones you loved, the ones you begged me to wear and took out a dress that didn't reach far under my ass but it didn't make me look like a slut either. But you told me that it did, you told me you hated it when I wore it to a party once. Other guys would look at me and your jealousy took over. You always made sure I knew I was only yours. But apparently you weren't only mine. I put my towel on the side of my bed before slipping into the dress. I already did my hair and make up after coming out of the shower but I liked just walking around in a towel or my underwear around home. You liked that too.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror and smiled softly at the way the dress fit on my body. I loved this dress but I respected that you didn't.

I slipped on my heels when the bell rang a little early. I had invited Jackie on a night out so I could help her make some friends in LA. We talked every other day when she was at the shop for a coffee and we got along well. She gave me a nice distraction from you. She gave me a reason to get up for early morning coffees.

But after a month, I still hadn't figured out the darkness in her eyes. I knew her sister was the source of it, but the darkness didn't only contain pain. It was a mix of regret, pain and hate. A mix I couldn't explain.

The darkness in her eyes always matched mine, it would light up at times but it would go dark again quickly.

I walked to the door of my apartment and looked through the little hole to look at who was waiting there. I opened the door when I saw the brunette waiting for me with a smile on her face, she had left her darkness home and her eyes were bright and filled with excitement. No more pain, hate or regret.

"Hey" she said once the door was fully opened. "You look amazing"

"Thank you, you look absolutely fantastic" I said as I looked at the blue dress that looked so good on her.

"Are you sure it's alright that I'm coming too? I'm 19 so I'm not even sure if you can get me in a club here."

"I've been going to clubs here since I was 17, you just have to know where to go." I replied with a soft chuckle and she nodded but she was a little insecure, yet her insecurities didn't take away the bright in her eyes. "I have many friends who are 20 so no worries, you're very welcome."