after you left |ai|

19

AshtonIrwin: happy first birthday to my love, my happiness and my everything. You give me joy every day and you're the reason behind my smile. It's been a rough year but I'm glad to have you by my side, your smile lits up the room and your laugh is like music to my ears. Please always stay your cheerfull self when growing up x

457.018 likes
LukeHemmings: we're here for you Ashton ♥️
EllenEvans: the little princess, I hope to see you again soon...
5SOSGlobal: I can't imagine how hard today must be for you. To find the joy to celebrate her birthday while you're still hurting because of what you lost on this day. Everyone is here for you today and every day. We love you Ashton.
MichaelClifford: the most beautiful little girl
UpdatesofAshtonIrwin: you raised a beautiful little girl even when times were hard and I look up to you for that. You are an example to many. We're all here for you x

—

I waited patiently at the front door until Ashton finally showed up and opened the door for me.

"Hi" I said and he gave me a short nod before letting me in, I could see his eyes were red from crying and the tear stains on his face. "Are you doing alright? Wait that's a stupid question. Do you want to talk?"

"Not now. I have to leave in a few minutes" he softly said but it was barely above a whisper. He walked to the kitchen and I followed him before he quickly told me what I needed to know before walking over to Olivia. I stood by the kitchen island and watched him while he picked her up and hugged her. It was Olivia's first birthday yesterday and today he was going away with Jackie and his friends. To spend time together and remember the friend they lost a year ago. Officially they only lost her in 29 days but in his mind, he lost her less than an hour after welcoming Olivia into the world.

"Ashton are you sure you don't want to talk?" I asked him and he nodded before putting her down in her crib. She was still sitting and playing.

"If there is something you can't find, just call. I'll keep you updated about when I will come home but if you want to sleep, you can just take the couch or the bedroom on the second floor." He said rushed when he walked over to the kitchen. He took a glass of water but he just leaned against the counter, his back facing me and his hands rested on the countertop. I walked over to him and placed my hand on his shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze without saying a word.

When he finally moved again, he downed the glass of water and walked away from me. He didn't want to talk, not to me atleast. He looked at his phone shortly before finally looking at me.

"Luke is here so I have to go. I'll text you." He said before turning his back to me again and walking away, I could hear the door open and close before it was silent in the house.

He had told me how he couldn't find anyone to watch Olivia today, that he needed the day away from her and Jackie couldn't watch her. Or any of his friends as they were all going to the same place. So I told him I could do it. It took him a while to accept my help but he ended up being alright with me watching Olivia and the dogs.

It was only 1pm now and Jackie had warned me he wouldn't be home before midnight. He always stayed longer than the others. Jackie told me how he once watched him from her car until 3am, fighting the demons in his head and trying to understand why it had to happen.

So if he didn't want to talk to me today, this was the least I could do. I walked over to the tv and connected my phone to the music installation to play some music before going over to Olivia who was looking at me with her big eyes.

"Hi sweetie, let's get you out of here." I said with a smile before picking her up, she giggled when I held her which brought a big smile on my face. I put her down on the ground next to the box with toys and sat down with her. She immediately went over to the box and pulled out all sorts of toys to show them to me with a giggle and a constant smile on her face.

"Piper!" She said so happily when the dog walked over to her. Piper was wagging her tail so hard when Olivia started to pet her. It was an adorable sight and they both looked so happy. Bella just watched us from a distance, she was looking after her little human but decided not to come too close.

We played on the ground with her dolls, teddy bears and Piper for two hours and there was never a silent moment. She was almost giggling constantly and saying the very little amount of words she knows. So after two hours, she asked to watch tv in her own way. I could see she was a bit tired too and it was clearly nap time so I picked her up and put her down on the couch, where she got very comfortable quickly. I looked for the remote and handed her her teddy bear before sitting down beside her. She crawled over to me and rested her head on my leg. I turned on the tv and when a paused video came on the screen, my heart broke a little again.

"Mommy!" Olivia said while pointing at the screen, I decided to ignore it, not sure what I could and couldn't say. Ashton was watching videos of Sam before I arrived. I let out a soft sigh before going to netflix to put on her show. Ashton and I had watched it with her once before on a Thursday night.

I placed my hand around her and she held onto my hand immediately while her eyes were glued on the screen, I looked at the little girl on my lap. The cheery and happy girl that had no idea what day it was. That didn't understand the pain and darkness of her dad yet but made the room so much lighter with her smile and her giggles.

It only took her half an episode to fall asleep but I waited a little longer before I picked her up and placed her in her crib. She grew up in a broken home but looked so peacefull and so happy.

—

Around 2am, I heard the door open and I tried my best to open my eyes again but I was exhausted. I heard his steps come closer to the living room, they stopped for a moment beside me before I heard his shoes being kicked off and he sat down on the other couch.

"Hi" I said softly as I looked at him and he almost jumped by hearing my voice.

"Shit I thought you were asleep" he said when he looked at me shortly before looking down at his hands. I rubbed my eyes before sitting up to be able to face him better. "Just go back to sleep, I'll bring you home tomorrow morning."

"Do you want to talk now?" I asked him, I could see he was still so messed up and he hestitated before nodding.

"I just want to talk about something good." He said softly before looking up at me and connecting his eyes with mine. "Tell me something good."

I got up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen without saying a word. I picked up the two pieces of paper before walking back and sitting back down. I looked at them with a half smile before handing them to him. "So Olivia and I made you two drawings after her afternoon nap. She kept saying 'dad' and 'daddy' while drawing you and pointed at the stick that is supposed to be you so often. The proudest smile on her face and adoration in her eyes. She made me draw you something too. I didn't really know what to draw you and I kinda suck at it so enjoy a drawing that looks like a 5yr old made it. She has the most amazing giggle to listen to and she already has such a kind heart." I said with a smile on my face while his eyes were fixated on the drawing in his hands. "I did allow her to stay up a little later but we were having so much fun and I kinda forgot to look at the time until she started to yawn." I said and he chuckled so softly but even his chuckle sounded broken now. "She found my hair facinating when I carried her up the stairs and it was adorable. Then I laid her in bed and read her a bedtime story. She giggled so much again because I was doing it with voices and she seemed to love it. Ashton you have an amazing kid, she's just a year old but she already managed to make me fall inlove with her. You can see how kind she is by the way she plays with Piper and her dolls. You have an amazing kid, don't ever forget that because she loves her dad with all of her tiny heart. She is your something good." I said and when a tear dropped down on the paper, he put it on the table before bringing his hands up to his face. I got up and sat down next to him before wrapping my arms around him. He immediately turned to me and started crying in my arms while I rubbed his back. "She is your something good Ashton, she is your sunshine and your happiness and you will figure it all out together. I know it's extra hard right now but you're going to be okay."