Shattered Singer

Chapter 7

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1 year later...
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America POV:
I finish putting on my red lip stick and look in the mirror. I think I'm ready to go. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I don't have stage fright. I never did. But today will be a different and hard night.
Today is exactly 1 year since the selection began. August 4th. I always avoid anything selection related. I've never been to a 'get together' with the selected at the palace. I always say I'm too busy. It's very believable, I'm on the top 3 most 'loved' and 'famous' celebrity list.  Almost immediately after I released a few singles and started singing I had to become a two. I got a lot of publicity. I moved up my family's caste too, except for Kota. He was pissed and has been kissing my ass ever since.
Reporters ask questions about the selection all the time, but I always dodge them. At first it was hard. It hurt like hell. But over time I got used to fake smiles and pushing away questions I don't like. Ever since I left the palace for the last time in February it's been a roller coaster.
I've changed. But that's normal, everyone changes. I drink, a lot. I cry a lot too. I cut myself for a while, but I don't anymore. Although I still have the many scars on my wrist and thighs. I was depressed for a while. My health, mentally and physically, was terrible. I didn't want to do anything other than drink.
I'm better now. My physical health is pretty good. My mental health is better. The one thing that hasn't been healed is my heart. And I don't know if it ever will. The memories hurt. I can't eat strawberry tarts, or strawberry anything. Chocolate makes me sad. It's a reminder of his eyes. Rain hurts, I used to love it. Now it just brings back a memory that makes me want to cry. I can't wear any blue bracelets. I don't wear 'princess'/ puffy dresses. I hate December. I hate Halloween. I avoid any news or anything related to him as much as possible. I follow him on Instagram to keep up appearances, but I have all his posts and stories muted.
I workout at least 3 times a week. Usually I try to squeeze in a workout everyday but with my schedule it doesn't always work. I work out to stay healthy. And to unwind, it helps release anger and stress. I also have to keep my body looking good. I've always hated how much people care about appearances. But I'm in this industry and it's how it works. I always have to look 'hot' and 'attractive' although I never feel good about myself anyway. I'm just not good enough. The Prince made that pretty clear. And it left me broken. I can't do that to myself again. I can't fall in love just for someone to break my heart. I never want to go through that again.
I've set myself one rule. I will never, be with another guy that has honey-blonde hair.
I have dated since the selection. It's only been one guy. He made me happy, but I wasn't mentally stable to be in a healthy relationship. He understood so we left on good terms. His name is Zack. Zack has curly brown hair. Blue eyes, loves to workout, tall, an amazing face structure. Sharp jawline. He was good to me. Gave me happiness. I'll always care for him. I love him, but not in a romantic way, as a friend. We dated for 3 1/2 months.
I'm just not ready for a relationship. Not emotionally. I put my thoughts, heartbreak and emotion into songs. I'm constantly writing songs, but I don't publish all of them.  Most of my love songs are about him, some about Zack. I've never written a full song about Aspen. Sometimes I put thoughts I had while I dated him into a song but that's it.
Aspen and I are still friends. He and Lucy got married in April. I didn't go because it was at the palace but I send them a card, and huge gift. From what I've heard, Aspen and him are friends now.
I've been proposed to so many times I can't even count.
Im still friends with Nicoleta. And many other royal families.
There were many riots about me being queen. Since I'm still friends with Kriss I dismissed them.
I remember when I started going out in public again, there was a day when I got attacked by news reporters...

Flashback:
I'm shopping with Celeste looking for cute clothes when suddenly
I hear my name being yelled. I turn and see many news reporters
coming my way. They have cameras and microphones. They start
asking a million questions.
"How was the palace?"
"Are the king and queen kind?"
"Did you ever see the Prince shirtless!!?"
"How many times did you and Prince Maxon kiss?!"
"Why didn't you win?"
"Do you think you should of won?"
"Is the selection really how it looks on TV"
"Did you think you'd win!?"
"Is Price Maxon a good kisser?"
"Was it magical?"
"Why did you break up?"
"Do you love Prince Maxon!?"
I freeze. I don't know what to do. I have to get out. Now. Before I
break. Celeste grabs my arm and starts running. I follow. Before
I know it we're back in the car. As soon as I realize I'm safe I break
down crying. Celeste also got asked questions, they didn't hurt her
like they hurt me. Soon we're home. I sit on the couch with ice cream
and cry. Celeste helps a lot. I'd die without her. Literally
End of flashback.