Breaking My Silence

Chapter Fifteen - I've Lost it All

A/N - This chapter you get to see inside Zane's head again. Sorry It's so short. I love you all :) 

Zane’s POV

I watched the elevator doors close as Rosie left me with one last look that will be imprinted on my skull for the rest of my life.  My shoulders slumped under the weight of not only her pity and disappointment, but distaste. In that moment, I broke. I felt powerless for the first time in my life.

Rosie never knew it but I needed her just as much as she needed me over the years. She has no idea how many times her smile has got me through the day, as well as all the little ridiculous things she would do that a normal person would never notice, yet meant the world to me.

Rosie is the main reason I never ran away from home. I endured my mother’s disappointment and being despised by my father just so that she wouldn’t ever have to bear that burden. I made sure I was always around to shoulder the pressure. The thought of Rosie having to deal with the strangers that like to call themselves our parents had always frightened me.

She is my baby sister and she always will be. It was the two of us against the world through our whole lives, and with one dumb move. I went and fucked it all up. I should never have said those things. I knew they would hurt her, but I said them anyway. I became the person, I swore I would protect her from, the person I swore I would never be.

I sneered in disgust. I let out a cold and heartless laugh. I guess he was right. There was a time where I would become what he wanted me to be and I did it at the expense of being able to have Rosie in my life. My father would be proud if he could see me now.

The elevator doors dinged and Mikey stepped out, his face was blank. I could see he was suffering too. Not that I cared right now. There goes that stabbing pain in my chest again as my father’s cold smug face blurred my vision yet again. I couldn’t stop the sneer.

Mikey cleared his throat and I realised that not only was he waiting for a response but I had been standing frozen in the corridor for the last ten minutes.

I just glared at him and stomped back to the apartment door, banging the door open and heading straight for the liquor. I grabbed the closest bottle and skulled as much as I could before wincing and glancing at the bottle. Fuck, I had grabbed the tequila. That shit burned.

I took another swallow of the tequila, wanting to feel the pain of the burn to distract me from the stabbing in my chest.

In the back of my mind, I knew Mikey was trying to talk to me, but I continued on without acknowledging him and turned on my heel and stormed out of the room and to the elevator.

I searched my pockets for my keys while taking another gulp. I glanced at the bottle. I had drunken a third of what was in there. I laughed. That had gone quite quickly. I was about to step into the elevator when I was grabbed forcefully by the hand, and then just as quickly pushed back into the elevator.

Fuck, Mikey had grabbed my keys, the elevator door closed. Oh shit, guess I’m just going to have to walk.

The walk was surprising quick considering I had trouble with straight lines, but that’s okay cause I had my one and only friend in the world! Tequila!!

I was quite happy when I walked into the nearest bar.

“Bartender!!”  I slurred.

“Give my something that will make me forget the last week!” He just shook his head and poured me a drink regardless.

It was 4 o’clock when I entered the bar and now at ten I was making a right nuisance of myself. Mouthing off to a group of guys who looked to be in their mid-twenties, when one of them announced –

“Hey, I recognise you – ” The big ugly one said.

Unfortunately, I had just said that out loud. Oh well I’ll roll with it now.

“You’re that pretty boy who pissed our boss off a few years ago, he didn’t like that you cheated him out of that money. You’re damn fucking lucky you were smart enough to pay him back otherwise I’d call him here right now.”  That was big and ugly

“Oh yeah I remember you now. You’ve been quite clever, but drunk off your face is quite good, now you won’t be a challenge at all” That was short and fat.

Great I said that out loud too.

“Uh oh” I giggled as big and ugly grabbed me by the scruff of my shirt

When my back hit the ground, I managed to get out the first coherent thought in hours.

“Oh Shit”