Last Fae

Chapter 15 ~ Consequence

What had I done? I'd let the monster out. I'd killed my friend. I'd killed Kat. I swore all those years ago that I would never let the monster inside me free ever again and I'd broken it. I don't know why I'd let the rage overpower me. I had managed to keep it in check for so many years and tonight I'd failed. Murderer. Monster. Killer. The words circled in my mind like predators attacking their prey. Each one another stab to my chest.

I couldn't breathe. I barely managed to choke down gasps as I lay curled up on the floor. I had no idea how much time passed. All I could hear were those words. Murderer. Monster. Killer. Over and over again in a never-ending cycle. All I could see was Kat's face as I'd lunged. The terror in her eyes. All I could taste was her blood in my mouth.

I heaved again, the fact that there was nothing left inside me didn't seem to stop the violent spasming of my stomach. My closed eyes did nothing to block out the violent images flashing through my mind. I could barely hear my violent sobs over the ringing in my ears. And each breath was a desperate struggle to take. Murderer. Monster. Killer.

I flinched away when a hand touched my arm, curling my back against the bar and raising my hands in front of my face. A half hearted-attempt to defend myself when deep in my heart I knew I deserved whatever my attacker threw at me. I probably deserved worse. Murderer. Monster. Killer.

"Delilah," Somehow his voice soothed me even in the depths of my despair. I didn't dare open my eyes. I didn't even move. But this time when he reached out to place a gentle hand on my side I didn't jump away. His hand on my side drew my attention to the violent shudder that wracked my body with every sob. To my hungry gasps for air.

I heard him slide to a seat beside me and curled myself tighter into a ball. His hand rubbed up and down my back in a soothing rhythm that I started drawing my breath to. He didn't speak again, only sat stroking my broken body as my mind tortured me with my sins. Murderer. Monster. Killer.

I don't know how much time passed as he sat there in silence beside my shaking body. But he remained until the violent sobs subsided. Until I had no tears left to cry and even while I laid curled up in deafening silence he didn't move from my side. And all the while his fingers rubbed soothing patterns on my skin.

"I'm sorry," I whispered into my hands when I could take the silence no longer. His hand stilled on my skin at my words but resumed their previous pattern a moment later. I heard him shuffle his position and then clear his throat.

"You have nothing to apologise for Delilah," He said, keeping his volume at the same level as mine had been,"And," He hesitated, "You're not a murderer, or a monster or a killer or anything similar." I flinched as he spoke the words that were still circling in my mind.

"I let it out," I whispered, "I wasn't supposed to let it out. I knew it would hurt people. That's what they do." I choked back a fresh onslaught of tears as I speak the words out loud. I feel his hand recoil from my side as I speak and I know he must be disgusted by me.

"Let what out?" He asked, "Your wolf?" I squirmed at the word, desperate to escape the hideous beast inside me.

"I know this probably isn't what you want to hear right now, but when you're a wolf you're still you. The wolf skin doesn't change your thoughts or feelings. It doesn't think for itself, it doesn't control you. It is you and you are it. Everything you did back there. That was you. That was your anger. Your hatred." I shook my head pushing myself up with my hands to look at him.