Near at Heart

CHAPTER 8

Lagi nalang akong nakaakarinig at nakakakita ng mga komento tungkol sa isang relasyon na nasisira dahil sa layo at distansya.
But I promised to myself that I will never ever cheat on my boyfriend, that I won't ever leave him just because we are too far from each other.

But I didn't expect me that those words will choke me.
I swallowed all my words, all my promises.
I cheated on my boyfriend, I gave him pain when all he does was to love me unconditionally.

I cheated on my man whom I met online.

It all happened when I met Blake. He was the school campus' cassanova. Siya yung nakasagutan ko nung first day ko in my freshmen year sa parking lot. Madalas akong guluhin ni Blake noon dahil sa ginawa ko sa parking lot. Yung panggugulo na maiinis ka talaga. I tried to avoid him. I tried to push him away dahil alam kong magseselos si Devvion. But then, hindi tumigil si Blake noon. Sophomore na ako nung medyo nagbago ang pakikitungo sakin ni Blake. Palagi siyang nakaabang sa labas ng room ko tuwing uwian. Lagi siyang may mga pasabog na surpresa. Until one day he confessed and kissed me passionately. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganun nalang ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko sa halik ni Blake. Pinilit ko siyang iwasan noon pero hindi niya ako nilubayan. Hanggang sa marealize ko nalang na parang nahuhulog na ako sa kanya. Palagi na kaming magkasama ni Blake simula noon kasabay ang panlalamig ko kay Devvion at hindi pagpaparamdam sa kanya. It was valentine's day nung naging official na kami ni Blake. Yes, naging kami kahit wala pa kaming official break up ni Devvion. I cheated. And Devvion has know idea of what am I doing.

Two weeks na akong walang natatanggap na message kay Devvion which is very strange kasi araw-araw may sweet message yun sakin. Wala rin akong narerecieve na tawag sa kanya. I sighed and tried to call him. And I felt relieved when he answered my call.

"Yes? Who's this?" napakunot ako ng noo sa sinabi niya. I told him my name, bigla siyang napatigil at nagsalita. Napalunok ako nang marinig ko ang tono ng boses niya. It's not the usual.

"What do you want?" he asked coldly.

"Dev, may problema ba? You're so cold." I said. Narinig ko ang mapaklang tawa niya.

"Did you heard your words Saphirra Amethyst?" nagulat ako sa tinawag niya sakin. Ni minsan ay hindi niya ako tinawag na ganyan, "Hindi ba dapat ikaw ang tanungin ko ng ganyan? May problema ba tayo? May kasalanan ba ako sayo? Ikaw ang cold! Sabihin mo nga sakin Fonseca! May tinatago ka ba?"

I gulped when I heard his words. Hindi siya sumisigaw pero ramdam ko ang galit sa boses niya. Galit, sakit, at pagsisisi?

"What do you mean?" kinakabahan kong sagot na agad niyang pinutol

"Wag kang magmaang-maangan, sabihin mo sakin ang totoo. What did I do wrong? I remain faithful. I never looked to any girls near me. I trusted you Saphirra because I love you but what did you do? You just fucking cheated on me!" galit na saad nito na nakapagpatigil naman sakin. How? How did he know?

Napakagat labi ako dahil sa sinabi niya. I don't know what to do. I ddon't know whaat to say.

"Dev, I'm sorry. Mahal kita, may tiwala ako sayo. Pero hindi pala talaga sapat yun. Ang hirap pala talaga kapag malayo yung mahal mo dahil may mga bagay kang hinahanap-hinap na ibang tao ang makapagbibigay sayo. Distance really ruins every relationship. Mahal kita but distance casted my feelings for you away" Mahinang sabi ko.

"It's not about the distance, Saphirra. It's all about the faithfulness. Kung mahal mo ako, hindi ka na dapat naghanap ng iba kahit pa sobrang layo ko sayo" he seriously said.

Bigla akong nakaramdam ng kirot at guilt. Tuluyan nang nagbagsakan ang mga luha ko sa sumunod nitong sinabi.

"I will not make you choose between me and that person. I'll break up with you. Why? Because if your love for me is real and great, then there's no point for you to cheat. Goodbye, Saphirra. I'm thanking you for fucking breaking my heart, thank you dahil ngayon alam ko nang hindi ka karapat-dapat mahalin."

Hindi ko na mapigilang humagulgol sa sinabi ni Devvion. I can't find any words to say. I just wanted to cry and cry and cry. This fucking hurts.

"D-devvion.." I said between my sobs.

"Please. . . stay gone" he lastly uttered before ending the call.

I tried to call him again but I can't reach him anymore. I searched his name on my facebook messenger but then he blocked me.

Isang malakas na sigaw ang pinakawalan ko at umiyak ng umiyak. Why am I so damn stupid to break his heart? I just lost the man who loves me unconditionally.