Gray

Chapter XXIX

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko kinayang sumama sa kanya.

Hinatid ako ni Kiel gamit ang kanyang sasakyan. Ngumuso ako nang makita sa side mirror niya ang sasakyan ko. Lumabas doon ang babae na lumapit kanina sa kanya sa West. He said it was his secretary. Patago akong umirap.

"Pumasok ka muna." Yaya ko, kahit alam kong tatanggihan niya.

Nakatitig lang ito sa akin kaya napanguso muli ako. Ang kanyang mga mata ay bumaba sa aking mga labi.

"They want to t-talk to you." Nanginginig kong sabi.

He licked his lower lip at bumaling na sa kanyang harapan. "Nakausap ko na sila kanina."

"Ha?" Nung nasa West ako? Dapat ay hindi nalang ako umalis! I need to talk to him too. Dapat nga ay ako muna ang kumausap sa kanya, e!

"Check your phone, Aristelle. I've been calling and texting you. You don't reply so I went here to check on you." Masungit na paliwanag nito. Habang sinasabi niya iyon ay nakita ko ang eighteen missed calls galing sa kanya at anim na mensahe.

Kiel:

Sorry. I had a meeting. Sure, where?

Aristelle?

Answer the phone.

Where are you?

I'm going to your mansion.

You aren't here. Stay at West, I'm picking you up.

Kinagat ko ang labi ko. "I... want to talk to you too." Mabagal kong binaba ang aking cellphone.

Hindi pa rin ito nakatingin sa akin. I think it's best to talk without his whole attention on mine. Dahil sa tingin ko ay hindi ako makakapagsalita kapag nakatitig ito sa akin.

"I'm sorry..." bulong ko.

"I'm sorry for not trusting you. I'm sorry for accusing you for something terrible. I'm sorry for not being..." Humigpit ang hawak ko sa aking mga hita. Trying so hard to stop my tears from flowing. His adam's apple violently moved.

"...there when you got hurt. Emotionally and physically," dugtong ko. Tama. Dahil noong gabing iyon, hindi lang ako ang nawalan. Siya rin. He lost his best friend before his eyes.

Dahan dahan siyang lumingon sa akin. His gray eyes twinkled. Mapupungay itong nakatingin sa akin. Pati ang kanyang mga labi ay bahagyang nakaawang.

He looked so hurt and fragile! I imagine him being like this when I wasn't there for him! Hindi ko na napigilan ang pag-iyak.

"I thought you didn't noticed..." he said in a soft voice. Lalong nabasag ang puso ko. He wanted me to care for him and I failed him!

Humikbi ako, "I- I saw the blood from your shirt b-but I thought it was Kuya Liam's..."

Inabot ako nito at niyakap. "Shh... it's okay. I'm sorry too." Umiling ako.

"Wala kang kasalanan!" agap ko dahil ayokong maramdaman niyang may mali siya. Because it really is my fault!

"Tinago ko sa inyo ang katotohanan. You're his family, you have the right to know the truth..." Binaon niya ang kanyang mukha sa aking leeg. Nakaramdam ako ng kaunting basa doon.

"I'm sorry..." ulit ko. Humigpit pa ang yakap sa isa't isa.

I remember Kiel being distant to me in school. Dahil iyon sa nangyari. He tried distancing himself from me to avoid hurting me and my family. He knew about my dissociative amnesia. He knew my parents tried to start again because of my hidden painful memories. Kaya naman pinilit niyang iwasan ako para hindi ma-trigger ang mga masasakit na memorya.

Kaya naman pala parang palagi akong nahahalina sa kanya, because I knew him. No— I loved him. And that explains my curiosity ang longing for him.

"So... you punched Ethan because he also knew the truth?" Magkatabi kami ni Kiel sa kanyang sasakyan. Nakahilig ako sa kanyang leeg, habang ang kanyang kamay ay nakayakap sa akin.

He nodded, "he has the guts to blackmail me." Gusto raw ni Ethan na lumayo si Kiel sa akin. Kung hindi ay mapipilitan daw siyang sabihin sa akin ang totoo.

Ngumiwi ako. I didn't know Ethan can do that. Bumalik lahat ng mga ipinagtataka ko noon. It all made sense now. Every piece fell back to its perfect places.

"Does it still hurt?" Sinulyapan ko ang kanyang tagiliran. I bet it's still visible.

"It's not the knife that hurts. It's the fact that you weren't there when I was trying to heal. The lone was too painful." The years without him feels nothing but agony for me. Paano pa kaya siya na umaasang merong ako na tutulong at aalalay sa kanya?

"It was hell without you." He kissed my temple. Napapikit ako sa sarap at sakit.

The years of our story feels so long and full of puzzles. Pero sa haba nito ay para bang kaunti lang ang mga matatawag kong masasayang memorya naming dalawa.

"I promise you, Kiel. I won't leave your side again. Ever." Seryoso itong tumitig sa akin. Lumapit ito at siniil ako ng isang halik.

A kiss that reminds me of how lucky I am that I have him. A reminder of how a bitter scenario can also be sweetened with him. He's the sugar in my bland world. "Good. Because I am not planning on losing you again. Mamamatay muna ako, Aristelle."

Nang makapasok sa bahay, naabutan ko na nakangiti si Mommy habang pinapanuod ang papaalis na sasakyan ni Kiel.

"Nakapag-usap na ba kayo?" Her well done eyebrows shot up. I faintly smiled and nodded. Ngumiti rin siya nang maramdaman na masaya ako sa nangyari ngayong gabi.