| The Story Of Us - Thiam |

Part 58

"I can't carry on doing this!" The boy shouts, now alone in the loft, only his boyfriend keeping him company. 

"Doing what, Stiles?!" His boyfriend replying, his voice loud but shaky.

"I can't carry on loving you, not when all you do is shut me out." The brunette sighed and began wondering how they ever got into this argument in the first place.

"Really? You're gonna pull that out on me?" The older male scoffed, turning away as he ran his hands through his hair, trying to anchor himself.

"I'm so fucking sorry that I'm worried for my best friend. You think you'd be fine if Scott left? You think you'd carry on being sarcastic? Wouldn't shut yourself out?" Derek received no response from his lover. "No? That's what I thought."

Stiles threw his hands around wildly, whilst they both took a deep breath, though the silence didn't last for long.

"God, you make it so difficult for me!" The brown-haired boy shouted out of nowehere, making Derek's body turn to face him.

"It's almost like.. it's almost like you can't be loved! It's as if you refuse to let anyone get too close to you, otherwise... otherwise you just shut down and drive yourself insane! Every time we get this close to the next step in our relationship, we get into a huge fight and end up back at square one! I can't love someone who doesn't want to be loved, Derek!" Stiles rambled on, and was unaware of Derek, who was getting angrier and more irritated by the second.

The werewolf's fist came crashing into the wall beside Stiles' waist, making the boy jump. A loud crack, the sound of Derek's wrist, echoed throughout the loft and Derek bit his cheek as it healed.

"You really don't know why I close myself off? Really, Stiles?" Derek's voice was low and gruff, and Stiles would have been lying if he had said that it didn't scare the life out of him. 

"I let Paige in, she died. I let Jennifer in, she turned into a sociopathic devil worshipper. I trusted Kate, she killed my fucking family. I shared memories with Braeden, she just fucking left. Even my own uncle Peter, who is supposed to love and cherish me as family, finds a way to break me. I don't want you to get hurt because of me, I'd never forgive myself!" Derek took a deep breath, a million memories running through his head all at once, which made him incredibly dizzy. 

Before Stiles had the chance to say something back, Derek had already opened his mouth, and the words had started flowing again. 

"I-I.... I loved you, Stiles... and I don't know if it's just me who feels like that anymore..." The werewolf trailed off, kicking his feet at the floor, as though he was a toddler who wasn't allowed to eat an ice-cream. 

Stiles finally snapped. If Derek was going to be like this, then he wouldn't be able to cope, and it wouldn't be healthy for either of them. Stiles felt like he had to play bad cop now, he had to lie to the love of his life for both of their sake's. 

"You make it sound like you've had the worst life, ever! News flash, life doesn't evolve around you! Other people hurt, and they don't just turn away help from the people they love! I'm tryi- I tried to help you, Derek!" 

"So you're telling me that you've been betrayed by everyone that you've ever loved?" Derek asked through gritted teeth.

"Well, no... but-" 

"So I have had the worst life then, haven't I! I have nothing to live for! Theo is the only one who actually understood me for what I am. He knows what it's like to have everyone hate you!" Derek's eyes were flickering between a lifeless green and his amber  werewolf eyes, and he was no longer able to control the amount of emotions coursing through his body: anger; fear; betrayal; hurt; love. It was too much for Derek to handle.

"No one hates you, Derek!" Stiles shouted, his eyebrows knitted into a frown.

"Well, you sure as hell don't love me." 

"What..? Derek, of course I love-" Stiles was stuttering at this point, and he didn't know if he could keep his act up for much longer, as he watched his lover break.

"Stop with the bullshit! I don't care anymore, Stiles! I'm a fucking werewolf, I can sense emotions. I stopped feeling love from you exactly..." Derek trailed off, looking over to the calendar on his wall. "5 months, 17 days, 8 hours and 39 minutes ago." 

"You count it?" Maybe it wasn't an act. Maybe Stiles finally started to realise that he was falling out of love with Derek. After all, the human had learnt from Deaton that chemo-signals never lie, and neither does Derek.

"Of course I count it, Stiles! I love- I loved you and you make it sound like we had nothing!" 

"You're a monster, but you're beautiful, and all of us have our faults." Stiles was desperate to save whatever he could now, he couldn't stand the hurt look on his lovers face.

"Stiles, stop dragging it out. You hate me. You don't love me. You make me feel like I'm nothing." Derek said, his eyes filling with tears as he played with the bottom of his shirt, one of his many insecurities showing. It was a side of Derek that Stiles had never seen before.

"So you refuse to believe I love you now?" Stiles asked, snapping out of his daze.

"I don't believe it because you never did!" Came the reply, and the tone of voice that Derek was using was laced with anger and sadness.

"Wow, okay. Fuck you, Derek Hale." The room fell silent and Stiles nodded, walking towards the door. He took deep breaths, trying to tell himself that it was the right thing to do, for both of them. 

"D-did you really ever love m-me..?" Stiles stopped dead in his tracks as he heard a whimper escape the man's throat, tears dangerously close to falling down his face.

"What?"

"I said... did you ever love me?" Derek's voice cracked several times and it shattered Stiles. The boy was so tempted to run into the man's arms, to cradle his head gently and run his hands through the werewolf's head. But he couldn't, and Stiles had only just realised how toxic they were together.

"Derek, I-" He couldn't form words anymore, and he refused to turn around.

"Just answer the question!"

"I don't know!"

The room fell dead silent for a second. The only thing that could be heard was the sound of Derek's heavy, irrational breathing as his world came crashing down.

Stiles walked away from him. 

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a/n

that was probably confusing

I don't actually like this chapter so let me just explain;

since derek and stiles had been together, derek had suffered from major trust issues, and so letting stiles in was an extremely big thing for him. they'd constantly get into fights, though, and they'd make-up without talking about it. they'd cling to each other, make each other mad, upset. since derek had started feeling something towards Lydia and he realised that Theo was gone, he had become so distant. stiles didn't like it and had tried to control derek into doing things how he wanted them done. when derek went to find stilesearlier on, a few chapters ago, he found stiles in his bedroom, and stiles was thinking about what their relationship really was. of course stiles still loves derek but he has begun to see that they weren't right for each other, and that Derek's condition was only getting worse. and so, in the beginning of the fight, stiles had tried to fake it, so that it would be easier to end things, meaning they both have a shot at still being happy with someone else. although, as derek became more angry and more upset, stiles started to see that their relationship was affecting derek in a really bad way. as well as that, stiles realised that he had feelings for someone else. of course he would still do anything for derek, but stiles thought it was the right time to close those four years of his life and start a new chapter, for him and for derek.

please guys, ask me questions if you are still confused. derek isn't the bad guy here, if its anyone, its stiles for being so harsh, but I hope you do get it. like I said, I don't really like this chapter too much and may end up rewriting in the future. let me know if you're still confused by this super long chapter!