Mr. Used Love

Chapter 7: Oh God

Laurens' POV
The drive was slow and agonizing. What felt like hours was probably closer to minutes and my mind raced faster than any other time in my life. Not meeting Alex, leaving my parents for school, not any nursing test, not finals, not even leaving Alex. Every nerve-racking moment could not compare with me now. My heart pounded in the walls of my chest. It felt as if my heart we're to come to life such as 'In a heartbeat'. Dear God did Alexander have such a deep and profoundly excruciating effect upon me in all my waking moments? The car finally reached the first stoplight and Lafayette sent me a text. His sincerity shined in my face and I took a breath and for a moment I saw at the speed of life. I saw what I did every day, then it returned to painstakingly mind-numbing blurred images as nothing caught up to the speed of my thoughts. 

What could go wrong tonight? What wouldn't go wrong tonight? Hell, what was I supposed to do? Then my phone turned off and the light turned green and I went further up again. I caught on to the pattern. 20 mph, stop. 20 mph, stop. 20mph, stop. My slow vision and drone-like compliance continued until the last light and my brain finally caught up. Every moment I'd spent with Alex flooded my mind. All the sweet and loving moments. The silly and friendly moments of peace and genuine contact. To the darker and even downright cruel moments. Those were the ones, Alex deserved to not have to endure. Alex deserved so much and far better than he got most times. The poor man I loved and cherished more often than not got the short end of the 'stick'. The painful 'stick' that life gave everyone. Her disastrous want for change gave wake to everyone's pain and suffering. Then I returned to normal even as I still panicked.

 I could see at the pace of a person rather than a camera slowed down or even the Flash. My brain was eager to push negative thoughts rather than the happier thought that I was going to see Alex again and help him. It was my only wish anymore, my only motivation to keep me from going over the edge into insanity. I turn a corner and see a car. The music blasting, far more than anyone needed to hear, as it was far from comforting and I see Lafayette and Herc's place up further, I take a breath and finally start to calm down. It's okay. Maybe, he was never yours.