The Catalyst | Joanne

Chapter 15

Two days felt so much slower than 48 hours. It was as if time had stretched, each minute lasting longer and longer than the one before.

The atmosphere in the apartment was tense. Quiet. The space, when they were together, was usually filled with music and laughter. The absence of both was unusual. Uncomfortable.

As Dianne made herself a cup of coffee, she stretched her arms above her head. Her back and neck cracked; the sensation, although satisfying, was a reminder of how badly she had slept the night before. She had given up first, heading to bed while Joe was working in his office. He had come upstairs an hour or so later; she had turned her body away from him, hoping he would think she was asleep. She wasn't. She had laid there, in that same position, for what had felt like hours until her brain had eventually just switched itself off.

Joe's idea had been for them to have two 'normal' days before they discussed the incident with the letter. Two days for Dianne to recover from the horrific panic attack she had endured following their argument. Despite his best intentions, it appeared that neither of them could move forward until the air was cleared.

Dianne turned to the living room door as she heard Joe's light footsteps making their way down the stairs. He caught her eye and gave her a soft smile. She echoed his expression, before turning back to face the coffee machine. As she waited for her drink to be poured, Dianne stood still. She could feel Joe moving around the kitchen, trying not to get in her way. He hovered in the corner, sipping on a glass of water, taking tiny steps towards the fridge.

He put down his glass and Dianne stepped out of his way, so he could open the fridge and pull out the yoghurt for his breakfast. She grabbed the granola from the side, holding it out for him without saying a word. He took it, their fingers brushing against one another for the shortest moment.

They hadn't touched one another intentionally in two days. There had been no hugs, no kisses, no hand holding. Both of them had missed it, but neither had wanted to be the first to give in. It had become a battle of wills.

A battle that was about to end.

As Joe put down the granola, he sighed as he felt Dianne step behind him, placing her now-full coffee cup on the counter. He leaned back into her body, increasing the contact, his hand travelling down to take hers.

His fingers danced over her hand, as if asking to be held. Dianne grasped his hand firmly, squeezing it. Joe sighed. It felt like a reassurance; a sign that everything was going to be OK.

Using their conjoined hands, Joe turned to face Dianne. They both paused for a moment, stood in lingering silence, before Joe let go and threw his arms around her body. Dianne's arms automatically moved to hold his waist as her head rested on his shoulder. They stood for a moment, the closest they had been for days, before they both naturally began to step from one foot to the other.

As they began to move, rocking from side to side, Joe took the lead. Taking Dianne's hand, he pulled her out from behind the counter and into the large open space between the kitchen and the living room. His body assumed a more commanding position, holding her gracefully around the waist as he led her into a slow waltz. Dianne's hands naturally came to rest on his shoulders, her breathing evening out as she calmly followed the rhythmic rise and fall of Joe's steps. They didn't say a word. They didn't need to. Their movements, their bodies, said everything they needed to say. For now.

Dancing, for Joe, was a reminder of where they had come from. Why they were special. They had fallen in love after being thrown together by chance. By fate. Dancing would always be their thing; it would always be significant and moments like these would always be theirs. He sighed; he had missed this so much. Dianne had been away for over a week and, before that, he had only had her home for days at a time between shows. This was the time they were supposed to be enjoying; two weeks of nothing but one another before she began work again.

He shouldn't have been so harsh on her. He should have been more forgiving; gentler. This was the only girl he had ever loved and, he hoped with all his heart, the only girl he would ever love.

He wasn't about to let some stupid letter ruin everything.

They reached a natural stop in the corner of the room. Dianne moved out of Joe's hold and looked into his eyes. The corners of her mouth lifted slightly before she let out a long sigh.

"I guess" she said quietly, her hand now on Joe's chest, "I guess we should probably talk about the other day."

Joe nodded, his thumb stroking over Dianne's cheekbone. "We should" he whispered, "but can I kiss you first?" He looked down for a moment, before looking up again to meet her gaze. "I... please. I need to kiss you."

Dianne nodded, her eyes closing as Joe's face moved closer to hers. Their lips touched hesitantly. Joe pulled away, looking at Dianne, before the two of them closed their eyes once more. Their slow, sweet kiss was laced with love and passion and meaning. By the time they moved apart, both of them had relaxed slightly, feeling a shared understanding that- whatever was about to happen- it wouldn't be the end.

Joe was taken by surprise when Dianne cuddled up to him as he sat down on the sofa to talk. He was expecting her to be distant; this was much better. His arm naturally curled around her body, pulling her in close.

"Are you ready?" he asked gently. "I've had a couple of days to think about what I need to say."

Dianne nodded.

Joe took a breath. "OK. Well, I think the main thing I want to know is why you felt like you couldn't share that letter with me when you found it."

Dianne sat up slightly, listening carefully to Joe's words. She paused, gathering her thoughts. "I... I think- in the very beginning- I wanted to know for sure it was from her. I had an inkling that she was part of that group; they'd been to the first show all together, which was where she said I'd saved her. When they come to the second show, she wasn't there. Then Chloe give me that letter and I..." She stopped for a moment, realizing she was probably speaking far too quickly for Joe to understand. She needed to slow down. "I needed to know first. And I know I should have said something. I should have told you, but you were right about my doubts in my head. I... I still had that idea that I was only curious about it because this is all new to me." Dianne sighed. "I guess Alfie was right when he said all that stuff about me being naïve. I was. But I know what it's like to be in that place, to feel low and helpless. I can't ignore someone who is asking for help, Joe. I can't."

Joe nodded, rubbing her arm up and down as her words settled in the air. "I know what you mean. I guess the difficulty is that you can't help everyone."

"I know. But I could help someone."

Joe shook his head. "I don't know how you don't see it, Dianne. You already have. You've helped so many people."

"I haven't helped her."

"You have. She said as much when she met you. But this isn't about her. This is about you. I'm worried about you because something stopped you trusting me. I need to know what that was, so we can work on fixing it. Because our relationship needs to be built on trust."

Dianne sighed. "I know. I think it was doubt that stopped me telling you. I hid the letter because I didn't know how you'd react if you knew I'd kept it. And... and I guess I didn't want to tell you why because you'd think I needed hand holding and looking after and I don't." She stopped for a moment, yet again realising how quickly she was speaking. "I wanted to prove I could be independent and deal with this myself. After everything Alfie said, I felt like I needed to show you guys that I'm my own person. I'm not well known purely because I'm your girlfriend; you didn't throw me into the limelight. I was already there, and I guess I had a point to prove."

Joe pulled her closer, kissing her head as she continued. "I'm sorry for what I did. I do trust you and you can trust me. I'll do whatever it takes to show you."

Tilting Dianne's head up slightly, Joe pressed a sweet kiss to her lips. "I love you so much" he whispered. "Thank you for being honest with me."

Dianne leaned her head into his shoulder. "I love you too."