Someone Will Remember Us | Diana Barry & Anne Shirley

Chapter Six | Diana's Crush

"Diana!"
Diana sat gloomily by herself inside. The other children were out playing in the sun, making use of the break from school. Ruby entered the classroom. Diana didn't meet her eyes.
"Diana, we're worried sick for you!" Ruby pleaded. "Do tell me what's going on! You're not yourself lately!"
Diana couldn't resist letting out a little laugh. She had given up counting the times she'd heard those words. But Diana only thrived on them, it meant that she was succeeding. She didn't want to be herself, she couldn't be.
"Anne is worried too, you know." Ruby continued. "You haven't talked for a while."
Diana's heart sann. Anne was still an open wound in her heart, Diana hadn't figured out how to get it to stop bleeding. Ignoring it was her best option.
"And I'm sorry about Charlie, Diana!" Ruby said after a moment of silence. "But I was sure you liked him!"

She wasn't totally wrong. Diana used to like Charlie, or at least she believed she did. He was a charming guy, why wouldn't Diana like him?
If only all this had happened before the soiree. Maybe she would've been thrilled by Charlie's kiss. Maybe she would have a boyfriend now! Diana sighed. Everything was easier before. You befriended girls and liked boys. An easy guide, Diana had thought so herself. Therefore she had loved Anne as a friend, and Charlie had been her crush. There had simply been no other way. How could she go back to that thinking now? Was it even possible?

"I don't get why you don't like Charlie." Ruby thought out loud. "He'd good looking, charming, funny... and he liked you!" Ruby added, like that settled it. Then she shone up.
"Ohh..." A grin grew on Ruby's face, her eyes twinkling.
Diana finally glanced over at Ruby, curious. She giggled, and poked Diana's arm lightly.
"There's someone else you like!"
Diana avoided eye contact again, feeling her cheeks grow hot. "Stop it Ruby."
"There is, look, you're blushing!" She announced excitedly. "Who is it? Tell me, Diana! Tellmetellmetellme!"
"IT'S ANNE!" Diana shouted in pure exasperation.
Silence.
Diana's hands flew up to cover her mouth. Did she just, confess?
"What do you mean?" Ruby smiled insecurely. "Of course you like Anne, I mean, you're best friends!"
"Nononono..." Diana said under her breath as she buried her face in her hands.
What had she done? It had just slipped out of her, simply because Ruby had been annoying. How stupid, how incredibly foolish she was! She couldn't bare to look at Ruby, to see the disgust that she surely felt in her face.
But of course Diana had silently suffered, bursting to tell someone, but she had had no choice. It was disgusting! It was against nature! It was unnatural! She blamed no one for thinking so, for she thought so herself. At least, part of her did. And she had to listen to that part - it was the only possible way to make the feelings go away, her only chance to live a normal life, to find a man and be his wife.
"Oh." Was all Ruby said. "Oh." She repeated.
"You mustn't tell anyone!" Diana suddenly became desperate, desperate by fear. "No one can now! Do you understand Ruby?"
Ruby was silent.
"Ruby!" Diana nearly shouted. She was tearing up, and she hated herself. Hated hated hated.
"I, I understand."
"I, this isn't me, Ruby." Diana felt a need to explain herself. "I'm trying to be better."
Ruby nodded weakly.
"I'm sorry."
Diana didn't know why she was apologising, but it felt right. Or, nothing felt right. She didn't know anymore.
Ruby nodded again. "I'm going outside." She announced, and stood up. "Outside." She repeated, before finally going outside.

Diana felt like running away. She wanted to flee her body and all that she was feeling, but she couldn't. So she just sat there.
Outside the others were playing like everything was normal. Diana got an urge to open the windows and shout out that nothing was normal, and nothing would ever be normal again!
She didn't.
Outside the window she saw Charlie sitting by the river. Where it had happened, Diana thought. She felt herself cringe, thinking back to it. Maybe she should apologise again.

"Hi."
Charlie looked up, surprised as he saw Diana.
"Can I sit?" She asked.
He nodded. Diana sat down beside him, pretty close.
"Does it still hurt?" She nodded towards his head. He smiled.
"Nah, not that much."
"Charlie, again, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking!"
"It's better than a slate across the face." Charlie chuckled.
Diana smiled at the memory of Anne hitting Gilbert Blythe with a slate across his face. Although the memory made her smile, she felt an ache in her chest. Anne, she thought.
"Yeah, I suppose it is."
They sat there in silence. Diana's fingers almost touched Charlie's. She looked up at him. He was a good guy. He made her laugh, he was a gentleman, and Diana would even admit he was rather good looking. Didn't she like him after all? What really was there not to like?
"Hey, you know what?" Diana said.
Charlie meet her eyes. "What?"
"I like you too Charlie."
His face shone up, though he tried to be subtle.
"You, you do?"
"I do," Diana smiled. "I was just, erhm, taken aback by the kiss."
"Oh, sorry." Charlie blushed.
"That's okay. I overreacted."
"That's okay too." Charlie smiled. He couldn't seem to wipe off that smile, Diana noted. It seemed to be glued to his face.
"So, what now?" Charlie wondered.
"I don't know." Diana admitted.
What now. Perhaps this is the answer, Diana thought. Maybe all she had to do, was get herself out there. Find the right guy. The kiss with Charlie hadn't been that bad, after all. Maybe Diana was simply overthinking. Maybe dating Charlie would make Ruby forget all about Anne and her. Maybe she could be happy with Charlie, fool everyone that she's been lovesick (for Charlie) all this time.
Maybe she could even fool herself.
Diana smiled at Charlie. "Maybe we could find out?"