The Unfortunate Circumstance Called Reincarnation (A Homestuck Earth C fanfic)

Chapter 12 - The Unfortunate Circumstances Regarding Awkward Conversations

Reader: Be mortified

"I Missed You"

You froze mentally. You really, really wanted to believe her. You'd once been able to call her a friend, or you'd felt that you could- you liked to think that she might want to again, too. It had dawned on you long ago though, upon one of many contemplative sessions in the dream bubbles post-Erisolsprite, that she had never really considered you a friend in the first place. A game, perhaps. You couldn't easily blame her for it. In the back of your mind, you were determined to drive her away the entire time.

And that's exactly what you had done, what you still intended to do because fuck, what else was there to do? Make amends? What was the point of that?

"you shouldnt"

You watched her carefully as her expression softened somewhat, trying not to make it obvious your eyes were on her. Of course they were. You had to be conscious of her every movement, if you wanted to be okay.

"I Know"

You furrowed your eyebrows. She wasn't stupid in the least, and why she'd let her emotions get the better of her like this was beyond you. You couldn't say you had ever gone all too well with your own emotions, so perhaps it was hypocritical, but she had always struck you as the type to be able to distance herself from all of that and make clearheaded decisions.
In other words, you couldn't be more wrong.

"wwhy"

You leaned forward slightly, unsure as to why you felt ever so slightly more at ease. Perhaps it was because anything would put you more at ease than facing your eminent death. Your eyes flickered over Rose briefly. Somehow, you trusted her less than Kanaya. And you were stuck in a hive with the two of them. You had spent all night being sick with worry, and now you had the promise of a week spent here looming over your head. Brilliant.

"That Is What I Dont Know"

Another absolutely charming scowl from you. How flimsy the answer was bothered you, how easily it could be changed, how easily she could change her mind. But she had promised not to kill you.
Once, long ago, you had promised not to kill her too. It would have been

fuckin unconscionable

And, you know, it was exactly that when it happened. You had been right..

"Did You Miss Me"

The question really caught you off guard, stunning you into silence. It wasn't as if you wanted to answer that though. After her almost heartfelt seeming confessions toward you, you didn't want to crush her. And not just because of your overwhelming anxiety about the whole situation that forced you into remaining agreeable.

"Eridan Did You Miss Me"

You bit down on the inside of your lower lip, trying to remain calm. What the fuck were you meant to say? That you had? You didn't even know whether that would be a lie or not. Your pusher sped up slightly, and your hesitation continued. You felt as if you didn't have much time- which was probably accurate, given her attitude toward how long you had taken so far.

"i"

Your voice died down in the back of your throat. How hard was it for you to just say it? You fucking hated her for so many reasons, and as far as you were concerned, many of them were entirely justified! But...
You'd had... fantasies, late at night, when you knew you wouldn't have anyone disturbing you. Of literally anyone from the game saying it was okay, you were okay, you were forgiven and it had all just been a bad dream. That you could all grow close again, like you must have forgotten they were, because you knew at some point they had to be. Why else would you all play together?

"um"

Your voice cracked embarrassingly. It was a terrible situation overall.

"i guess"

Rose seemed to perk up slightly from her rightful spot, which was far from you. You weren't too keen to find out why, nor were you keen on finding out what exactly she planned. You supposed that, those two could very well mean the same thing.

"You See"

You hated the confidence she she seemed to exude. Why was she so much more okay with this than you? Was she? Was she just covering her nerves up? Fuck, you were a growing kid, you didn't need stress like this. You allowed yourself amusement at the thought, remembering how it had been on Alternia.

"We Ought Be Able To Find Some Common Ground Then"

You really wished you were brave enough to stand up there and then and say that no, you were most certainly not entertaining her theatrics, that if she wanted to fix things she should have sooner, that she should have looked for you, why didn't she look for you.

Why didn't anyone look for you? You glanced away from her again. Rose cleared her throat awkwardly.
"Tea, anyone?"

You didn't even like tea, so you were surprised as anyone would have been at your nodding silently in agreement. Anything to offer an excuse to discontinue this conversation, and furthermore your life would be appreciated, thank you very much.

Rose stood up, the image of grace as she stumbled over a discarded pile of alchemized junk to get to the kitchen. You watched her, then became unpleasantly aware of Kanaya's eyes on you, as she still waited for a response.

You wanted to launch right into accusations, admittedly. Why didn't she look for you? Wasn't she ashamed? Why didn't she look for anyone? What kind of creator does that?... Why didn't they remember you?
Not once had you heard a story about yourself. You had been brushed to the side like the junk Rose should have moved, or probably discarded.

"wwhy noww"

You didn't expect her to look surprised. "We Really Did Believe You To Be Dead You Know I Was Quite Certain" Of course she was. Of course , you knew what she'd done to your corpse after your death. Drained it, almost entirely. It was... only fitting. It was your fault that she was a rainbow drinker now.

"nevvermind" You let conversation die again, the only sound being that of the kettle boiling. "Are You In Contact With Anyone Else"

You almost scoffed at the question. If you had been, you would have invited them. You wouldn't be quite as terrified, either, but you didn't mention that. "course not"

"Then Why Did You Not Try To Message Us" You stared blankly at her, glad to be interrupted by the arrival of two cups, one tinted gold. You felt ill, as if that was your own blood, even though you knew it wasn't. Your stupid pan was still hard-wired to associate that color with you, thanks to Erisolsprite.

"you can guess right" Rose must have noticed something going on, because she lifted the television remote to turn on webflix, as if for a peaceful distraction. You were... unnerved, by the effort, even if it was intended to be friendly.

If this was all you had to deal with, you thought, as you allowed yourself to recline slightly with the hot mug of tea, you could get used to this, at least for a little while.

A/N: *Alright, the upload dump is done. I dunno if I'll upload again, but regardless, this seems like a good place to end it. I won't mark the work as completed, for the sake of possibly updating it in the future.