Never Really Royal (Harry and Meghan Fanfiction)

My girls

When I woke up on the plane, I felt cold so I got up from my seat and put on my jumper before walking down the aisle to the toilet.

When I sat back down in my seat, I didn't feel like going back to sleep. I sat for a while and read my book before thinking about writing. I hadn't written to Dad, properly, in a while, actually it was the day that I found out I was pregnant, which was almost three months ago. I pulled my laptop out of my bag which sat on the floor beside me and opened it up before loading up the notes page. I don't know how long I sat staring at the blank screen, but it must have been a while, because after a while the screen on my laptop dimmed and then went blank. I switched it on again, feeling as if I was ready.

Dear Daddy Cool,

I feel that a lot has changed since the last time we spoke to each other. It's actually been quite a while and I am now almost four months pregnant. I am sure you may remember from Mom being at this same point, that things are starting to feel a lot more real. But as the tiredness and the sickness subsides, I am beginning to feel the excitement and glow that I used to imagine when I was a child with a plastic doll in my arms or a pillow stuffed up my dress.

And even writing those words down or typing them out or saying them out load feels slightly strange still, because if I were to say that a few months ago I would have felt ill to feel that about the whole situation. But I cannot spend the rest of my life let alone the rest of this pregnancy thinking about how things could have been different. There is no going back now and part of me, is quite scared about that prospect.

I'm not scared about the baby. I love this baby so much already and I know that once he or she is here, I will fall in love with them so much more. But the fear within me lies in my ability to look past the outcome of paternity testing and bringing up my child no matter who the father is. Because Dad, I won't lie to you when I'm petrified for that. I'm scared that what happened to me will always lie in the back of my mind when I look into the eyes of my child and I'm scared that when I look into my baby's eyes, I won't see Sam. Because he is the one I want to see when I look into the eyes of my child and of any other children we go onto have. And I'm scared that he won't see himself every time he looks into my child's eyes. I am scared that he will resent that child if he doesn't see himself and I'm scared that he'll turn to me and feel the same about me.

But then I think about you and I think about Mom and Dad and I think about the degree of jealousy you must feel when you think of Dad and I together or envy you feel when you think about the years I have spent with Mom and not with you. And then I think about Sam and about his kind and compassionate nature and the love that he has for so many people, including me and this baby. And I think, he would never, he could never bring himself to resent this child for no fault of its own and he couldn't resent me for an act I was forced into doing. Because like you and like Harry, he wouldn't be able to look into my child's eyes and not fall in love with him or her in the same way that I have.

And that was why I married him, because despite just about everything, he would still be there at the end of everyday right next to me and always on my side. That is why I fell in love with him and that I why I continue to love him. And that is why, I so want him to raise my baby, to show him or her that the world is so much better with kind and compassionate people in it.

Thank you for listening again Dad.

Love you forever and always, from

Daisy Beaumont-Windsor

When I had finished writing, I read through the letter a few times, gently resting my spare hand on the bump in my stomach. I couldn't send my blog off to be checked because I was on the plane so I shut my laptop and put it back in my bag. I had been given a blanket which I pulled over myself and held over my stomach, resting my hands there and slowly falling back to sleep.