Battle Scars (destiel AU)

Save Your Heart

This chapter is based off the song Save Your Heart by Mayday parade

Chapter 10

My head spins. I can't breathe. I can't do this. I don't want to do this. I have to do this. I should just walk away. Just leave. But I can't. I can't let him get hurt. But it will.

I gently tap my fist against the solid door of the Novak house. My heart is trying to break out of my chest. Cas opens the door. "H-hey Dean, I didn't know you were coming here baby. What's up?" His eyes search over my face. "You okay love?" I shake my head. A tear rushes down my face.

"Whats wrong?" I bite my lip, trying to keep the tears from pushing their way down my face. "Dean, please come inside so we can talk." I nod and step inside. Cas takes me upstairs. He sits me down on his bed. My throat burns as i try and keep the tears back.

"C-cas I..." I can't do it. Tears pour down my face violently. I put my head in my hands leaning against Cas. "I love you so much. So-so much and I-" I choke.

"Dean, whats this about?" He asks.

I shake my head. "I-I just- i-its over!" I stand up. My voice hitches.

"W-what?"

"I'm sorry" I whisper "I'm so god damned sorry"

"D-dean please expain" He stands up but I take off running down the stairs and out the door. I can hear my own breath in my ears as I run inside my house and slam the door. I've been running for hours, but I can't feel it. I basically fall up the stairs and into my room, sobbing. My head slams.

"I WANT TO DIE!" I scream. I can't stop crying. I hate this. I want to die. I can't deal with this. And I can't do this.

* * *

Cut me and I wil bleed. Tears cover my face. I'm not mad. I'm not okay.

I slowly walk downstairs. No ones here. Everything is blurry. I slowly walk over to my Uncle's oakwood cabinent. I open it and grab the first bottle. I stare at it for a while. I can't.

But it hurts. So damn bad. I shake my head and put the bottle back. There are other ways to do this. A 5 step plan.

1) Cuts

2) Drink

3) Drink

4) Cut

5) Well that's a secret I'lljust have to keep to myself then.

So now that my heart is torn to shreds and I have nothing left to live for. Might as well start my plan. So I do.

* * *

I slowly walk inside and slam the door behind me. Tears slide violently down my cheeks. I shove my head in my hands, and lean against my knees. I start hyper ventalating.

"Well, hey there boy. Did you do what I asked?" My father questions. I can tell he's been drunk off his ass since he threatened Cas. This is probably the first time today he got up.

I look up, glaring at him. "Right." He smiles and walks away. "Faggot" He whispers under his breath. I'm supprised this lecture didn't include a beating. I guess he might have some pride burried underneath his rage.

My throat burns like lava. I slam my fist against the wall. God damn it!

"FUCK!" I scream puching the wall over over again. I barely realize my fist is bleeding. So I keep going. "I'm sorry Castiel Novak" I whisper, sobbing.

* * *

I sit on the bathroom floor, surrounded in a puddle of spilled rum and blood. I feel a laugh push it's way through my lips. I can't believe I'm tearing myself apart for him. Dean bloody Winchester. The love of my god damned life. My love and lover.

I drag the blade across my skin again

Tears fall into the freshly opened skin. I feel like I'm going to drown in my own blood and or tears. I'm just so sick and tired of hating myself. And life. And feeling like hell. Like nothing. Just a walking corpse. With no use for living. I had one. But it's gone now. And this isn't the type of pain, tired, or pure worthlessness that heals over time. This is the kind that is eternal.

This is the kind that only sleep can fix.

All I just need is sleep.

I just need some sleep.

I sigh as I i feel myself drift off. No. No. I'm not tired enough yet. There's something I have to do first. Something that is key. I get up and close the bathroom door, opening my desk drawer. I pull out two things.

A sleek black sharpie pen, and a composition book.

Hello friends!!!! It's the person behind the computer!!! Did you like this chapter? HAHAHAHAA i did . Anyway there is only ONE chapter left so be prepared for it! It will be coming soon. And I still don't know if i want to add a sequel. So I am writing another fic, but that won't be up for a while so yeah, add my update thingy to hear some updates. The new chapter will be out soon so yeah lub choo all!!

xx Abby