Battle Scars (destiel AU)

Battle Scars (Finale)

This Chapter is based off of the song Battle Scars (cover) by Chris Salvator

Chapter 11:

Dean Winchester,

Hey there old friend. I was expecting you. By now you should be wondering where I am. If you aren't well, then you really were just lieing to me. I honestly don't think what we had/have was a lie but what I do think is that you thought you were helping me but in reality you were just breaking my heart.

I'm just here to tell you that what happened- it's not your fault. You were just blinded by what you saw in the world. But I know that you loved me. I aways will. Because you looked at me. You looked at me as if I was a mystery. But you- you are the mystery Dean Winchester. You were the only mystery worth solving. But I, my love, I am not Sherlock Holmes. I am not a detective. I am sure as hell not stable enough to even begin to love you in the way you deserve to be loved.

I believe truly, in my heart, that I am uncapable of true devoted, unselfish love. Because my dear, one can not truly ever love any one until they truly love themselves. And I will never be capable of love toward myself. Because I am worthless I am no one.

You are my whole universe, but I'm barely a crack in the sidewalk. Dean, after all the shit I-you-we have been through,after all the hell I've put you through while being totally consumed by punishing myself for being me I've decided I can no longer out run my demons. Nor can I continue to run beside them. But instead have chosen to become them all toghether. After I left you I let them consume my every thought. And now that they are here I need them. I need them to help me escape all I am. All I don't want to be. Every part of myself that I loathe.

Every part of my broken self that needs fixing. The things that need fixing can not be repared by any technology in this world. So perhaps, when I am mended we will meet again.

But for now, my love you need to cry. And move on. Move on and be your amazing, selfless, beautiful self. The man I fell in love with. The boy who was popular. Who was confused on who he was. Be that Dean. The one who still had a spark. The one who could conqure the world if he tried.

Please?

Right now, my endless bleeding and tears pools beside me and overtop my words. But above all else you- you are the only thing on my mind. Tell everyone else I just wanted an out. I do. I want to leave this living hell and never return. But like I said...my last wish is for you, Dean Winchester to be every thing you can be.

Be The Dean Winchester you've always been, but were to afraid to be. The Dean Winchester who shadowed over me with your loving personality. You brought the light to my darkness. Be The Dean Winchester who brings the light in the darkness where ever he walks. Becasue in my heart I really, really believe you can help people and stop the spread of the shadows.

My love, my love forever and always.

So for now, goodbye stranger. And carry on the way you do. Carry on my fallen angel.

Until we meet again,

Castiel

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