"Not our fault Lukes fat." (UNEDITED)

*Chapter 2* Cover me up, cuddle me in.

lukes pov

Michael comes over to the bed and lies down next to me, he wraps his arms around me and squeezes me closer, i can feel him lean his chin on the top of my head and from his position he has managed to make me curl up into his chest. He presses his lips to my forehead and i watch him close his eyes, a few tears slip slowly down his beautiful face.
"Mikey I'm so sor-" I'm cut off by Ashton letting out a sob from where he had pulled away and sat at the end of the bed. He uses his hand to push his curls out of his eyes and i can feel my heart clench as he tries to catch his breath without making too much noise, but i see him and i can't help the guilt that washes over me.

"I'm sorry its all my fault guys but i want to be skinny okay im sick of it i can feel the fat on my skin and its overwhe-"
"Don't you dare say that." Calum has jumped forward and has my face in a tight grip with his hands, but its not sore, just very assertive.
"You.are.beautiful luke hemmings and i don't care how much i have to tell you i will remind you every.single.day if i have to, you don't understand how love struck you have all three of us do you? Luke you're the reason i bother getting up in the morning! you are the reason i always invite you to the gym! its because i'm too chicken to tell you i love you and i want to show off!" Calum stares into my eyes, slowly he lets his grip loosen and then ashton is talking.
"Luke you're the reason i always pull terrible jokes, i think i would say 1000 cheesy jokes everyday for the rest of my life, if i got to see your beautiful smile just once. You're the reason i get up extra early, because i know when you get up you're cuddly and it makes me want to get up and dressed so that i can cherish every living second i get to have you cuddled into my side."
Michael brings a soft finger to the bottom of my chin and brings my head up the slightest bit.
"Luke hemmings, i didn't like school when i was younger, calum was the only reason i still went, but then i met you and i thought you would judge me like everybody else, and then i judged you and i wasted a whole year of my life hating the most amazing person ever, and i regret that every day and every night. But then we became friends and if i'm being honest, i-i was going to leave school that year, but then we became friends and my life just got bright and happy and you were always just-there, you didn't have to be loud and always bubbly, j-just your presence was enough! a-and i remember when we found out about you hurting yourself....that night i felt as though a part of me died, remember how we were all crying so much we couldn't be in different rooms, we all squished into your bed and talked for hours on end, i wanted to tell you i loved you so much b-but then the time passed and i missed it, we all love you so much luke and we don't know what we would do if you ever got that bad again, i mean maybe now's the time to tell your parents? they could help yo-"

"I would rather fucking kill myself." The room completely deflates and we are submersed into a deathly silence, i can hear michael breathing on my neck and how he slightly chokes when the words leave my mouth, i look across the room at ashton and he has his mouth hung open in shock and his hands are slightly shaking and calum looks like hes just seen a ghost, his normally tan skin looking slightly paler and his eyes and wide open. I look to my lap and try my best to stop the tears from coming but i can't help it and i'm not strong enough and they just come dripping down my face.
"Please don't say that..baby p-please d-don't say that" Michael says pulling me tighter against his chest, i can feel something wet hitting my neck and i look behind me to see Michael with tears streaming down his face...again, because of me.

I just shake my head, i shouldn't have said that, i shouldn't have said that, i've just made it annoying for them.

"Shhh calm down baby shhh please calm down" Calum says rubbing a comforting hand along my arm, i just continue shaking my head, i can't do this i can't do this.
"Okay you know what! i think we should all just get into bed for a bit and just cuddle, its only.." Ashton looks around the room for a clock, before calum pulls his phone out of his pocket.

"5:30am" calum says quietly, removing his top and making his way over to the bed.
I close my eyes and try to calm my breathing before all the boys get into the bed.
Ashton crawls from the bottom of the bed to the top, Michael pulls me off his lap and lays me down in the middle of the bed while Ashton lies on my left and Michael on my right, and calum just sort of lies across us all on the bed, but not in an uncomfortable way. Its nice having them all just around me, i can feel my heart beating in my ears and i'm still trying my best to get my breathing in control. Ashton is running his fingers thru my hair while Michael is cuddling me into his warm chest, calum is running a hand over my tummy, which is nice but a bit odd because all i can feel is him pushing on my fat.

My fat, which is all over my body, everyone always sees it and comments when i'm not looking and i just can't do it, they all hate me and i'm not good enough, i'm never good enough i ca-"
"Baby baby calm down, we're right here baby shhh" Michael whispers to me, and i can feel him telling me to calm down and in all honestly i am just tired and drained and this day hasn't even started and i'm already over it, i can feel my new cuts on my arm and since no bandage is on them its open and they are red.
"Just try to sleep babe, we'll be here when you wake up, don't worry lukey" Ashton says pressing a kiss to the side of my head.
I am on my back facing the ceiling, both calum, ash and mikey are all around me and i have never felt more at peace.
There is so much stuff i have to face and talk about, but right now all i know, is that i want to sleep.