"Not our fault Lukes fat." (UNEDITED)

*Chapter 9* Words caught up

"I love you all" Michael bursts out in one breath. Wait what? Silence over takes the booth, I can feel the way Calum tenses beside me and the way Ashton snaps his head up so quick I was worried he was hurt. "Y-yeah we love you too Mikey?" Ashton says with a nervous giggle, I look to Michael who furrows his eyebrows before shaking his head profusely "no, no, no not like that, like I am i-in love w-with you..all"

Air? what is air?

I feel my lungs pressing down against my rib cage as my mind spins

love you? haha this is obviously a joke..I mean who could love you?

"Thank god, because I l-love you guys too" Calum says from beside me, bringing a hand and laying it on my knee, I look down to my plate which still holds a hefty amount of potato salad, "I love you all so much and I didn't want to say anything because, you know as the oldest I feel protective of you guys and I didn't want you to think I was weird" I see Mikey nod at Ashton from the corner of my eye.

They've all confessed, are you going to?

Luke

Luke

are you gay?

Fag.

Luke

Luke

Luke

"Luke?" Whipping my head up from nearly face planting into my plate I look up to see the awaiting gaze of these 3 amazing boys who have just confessed the same love for me that I do them.

But I can't...

"I'm sorry" As soon as the words leave my mouth, the face splitting grin Ashton was wearing falls off his face, Mikey takes his arm off of Calums shoulders and Calum removes his hand from my knee.

"I-I just d-don't think of you g-guys like that" Lies, my mouth is spitting out lies right now and as soon as I see the heartbroken look on Michaels face I know I should have just told them the truth.

"That's fine Lukey, don't worry i-it's not your fault, really" Mikey gives me a watery smile, his eyes filling quickly with tears, "you know what? I'm actually not that hungry i'm gonna walk back to the bus, you guys can stay if you like" Ashton moves out to let Mikey go, "I might go back too I'm really tired" Ashton says before pointing a thumb behind him and turning to retreat with Michael.

"Stupid" I whisper to myself, unaware of Calum listening intently to me, "Don't worry about it Lukey honestly, we..okay yes we would have loved for you to break out into song and dance and go on about your love for us but, but we understand if you don't like us or just don't like boys" He says with a soft smile.

Shaking my head I turn to face Calum with my whole body "you can't love me" I say with a sad breathy laugh.

"What? why not?" Calum says looking like someone has just killed a puppy right in front of his eyes, he looks to me for further explanation but I don't know what I'm meant to tell him.

You can't love me because I'm fat

You can't love me because I'm ugly 

You can't love me, because I'm...me

"It's not right" I say almost immediately regretting it with the small flame that burns into Calums eyes, "What do you mean 'not right'? What are you against gays or something?" I grab onto his bicep and try to stop myself from stuttering over useless apologies, "N-no! i'm gay! I'm gay! Cal please I'm sorry n-no you can't love me because I'm me!" 

"Oh"

"Yeah"

"Lukey"

"I'm sorry" 

Calum looks at Luke with sorrow in his eyes, "Lukey, we all love you so freaking much and I know for a fact that there are two heartbroken boys who are hopelessly in love with you and are horrified that you don't like them back." "They could do better, you all could" Letting out an almost maniac laugh Calum quickly brings me into a hug "No one is better than you okay Lukey?" I nod numbly into his shoulder and take a deep breathe to calm myself down.

Calum pulls back and sends me a smile before his eyes light up a bit, "so...do you like us too?" 

don't say it

don't say it

don't say it

don't say it

don't say it

don't say it

don't say it

"yes, I've loved you guys for years"