"Not our fault Lukes fat." (UNEDITED)

*Chapter 11* Hotels

We spent that night all cuddled up on our little bed blanket thing that was still on the floor, it was nice to say the least. I had Ashton spooning me from behind and Calum cuddling me into his chest and Mikey was spooning Calum. Yes, I am still a bit confused at how this will work but to be honest it looks like it will be alright, and I must say I'm noticing how hopelessly in love with the boys I am.

Worthless. Die. Kill yourself. Fuck up. Fag.

"Hey Lukey how'd you sleep babe" Cal mumbles in his irresistible morning voice, he pulls me back into his warm bare chest and closes his eyes once again. We arrive at the hotel today and I know we're all thankful to get off this bus and into a non moving room, plus the boys have already made plans for us to all room together no matter what.

Sighing I look over and notice Mikey still asleep and I can hear Ashton still lightly snoring, I cuddle into the warmth a bit while making sure not to hurt the scabs underneath the long sleeved shirt I'm wearing.

We have 3 more days off including today and i'm just trying to sort my brain out before we have to go back. I know deep down that it's always an option to just not go back for a while but I do like performing, I mean aside from the hate and all the mean things thrown at me on stage and said on twitter, it's fun and I love it.
"What should we do for breakfast?" Ashton mumbles into my neck, his voice low and scratchy from sleep.
"Whatever lukey wants" Michael calls out from his position of lying half on top of Calum who doesn't seem to mind at all.

Ashtons grip tightens around my waist as he kisses under my ear before whispering "What would you like today babe?" I shiver at how hot he's making me feel, the way I can still feel his lips pressed against my hot skin makes me want more, more of his loving touch, of all the boys loving touch.

"Could we just-like you boys choose what you want? I just, I'm n-not hungry right now.." I try to stutter out, I turn around a bit to look at Ashtons face and its basically what I expected, worry is washing over his face but also pity and love.
"That's fine baby just make sure you have something before we get to the hotel alright? thats all we ask." I feel myself nod at the curly haired boys words before sighing a bit and just relaxing back onto the floor.
"We get to the hotel at about 11:30-11:50am guys so i'm going to get up now and start some breakfast." Cal says cradling Michaels head and slowly shuffling him off of his body and onto the floor to replace Cals previous position. Once he has managed to get the kitten like boy off him he jumps up and smiles at the two boys watching him before bundling into the kitchen.

"How you feeling today Lukey?" Ashton asks, I don't want to say bad because then they will get worried and stressed and I don't want to do that to them, but then I can't say fine because well, i'm not. And also i'm an absolutely terrible liar to the boys and they know that, they would be able to see through my act easily.

"I'm not sure." I say trying to keep my voice from wavering, Ashton nods against my back like he knows, like he understands, but thats the thing, he doesn't.
None of them do? they all were going to send me off and, I can't let that happen, I won't let that happen.

The thought of running away never really left my mind, I just sort of pushed it to the back of my mind until I could deal with it, but thinking about it now it seems like a better idea. I mean the boys could all be happy together without having to constantly worry about their weird boyfriend who's losing his mind and he's still a kid. They won't have to worry about always checking up on me and my stupid problems.

Run away then ~

The voice whispers, adding into the current problem in my head.

Could I?

Yes~

People would miss me surely...

They would get over you quickly, you're easy to forget ~

Oh.

So, I guess i'm running away?