A Soldier's Heart

Damn His Honour (Beth)

I woke up shivering. The fire had died down to coals. My blankets were soaked with dew. I was freezing. I put some sticks on the fire and took my sweatshirt out of the bag and put it on. I wrapped my damp blanket around me and sat on the log, hugging myself for warmth. I didn't hear Travis coming up behind me, and I jumped when he spoke.

"Come here."

I looked around. He was holding out his hand. I got up and went to him. He took my hand and led me to the lean- to.

"Duck down," he said, pushing on my head a little."Now get into the sleeping bag." He took the blanket from me as he spoke. I crawled in. It was wonderfully warm from his body heat.

"Move over as far as you can and lie on your side." To my surprise, he lay down beside me and folded his body around mine, with his arm around my waist.

At first I was happy just to feel his warmth drive out the chill. But then, having him so near me, my mind started turning the same thoughts over and over. Ma told me it was wrong to sleep with a man if you weren't married. Was I going to go to hell for this? I wanted him to kiss me and tell me he loved me. I wanted to do that thing that men and women do together but I was afraid, too. I wondered if he was thinking about the same things. I guess he wasn't because his breathing got slow and deep.He must have gone to sleep. I lay awake for a long time, taking pleasure in being so close to him but wishing for more. I tried to turn over so I could touch him, but there wasn't enough room. All I could reach was the hand on my belly. After a long time, I went to sleep and dreamed about him.

I was wakened by him moving. I turned over and pretended to still be asleep, but I watched him through my eyelashes as he sat up in the sleeping bag and put on his jeans and boots, then his shirt. He crawled out of the lean-to and after a few minutes I followed him. I didn't have to get dressed because I never undressed the night before.

Travis was building up the fire again. He had another pot of water on the flat stone and I hoped there would be more hot chocolate. Then I was ashamed because I knew he didn't plan on enough for two. He looked up as I came near.

"Porridge for breakfast?"

"I brought some eggs. We can share both, if you like."

He smiled at me. "Even better."

He made the porridge and poured some of it into a different pot for me. "No milk or sugar, unfortunately. I could have brought sugar, but I forgot."

It tasted pretty boring, but I was hungry and just sharing with Travis made it taste better. I got out the eggs and we cracked them against a stone and sprinkled them with salt from Travis' backpack. After we ate, we went down to the creek. Travis showed me how to clean the pots by rubbing them with sand and rinsing them in the water. He took them back to the campsite and hung them on little twigs that were sticking out of a stick he had pounded into the ground.

"Now what?" I asked.

"Now we talk."

I didn't like how he said that. We sat on the log and Travis twiddled with a piece of firewood.

"You shouldn't have come," he said. "We're probably both going to be in trouble now."

I looked at him, not understanding.

"Beth, you aren't stupid. You know when a guy and a girl are somewhere alone overnight, everyone assumes they are ... you know ... getting it on. Whether they do or don't."

"I don't care." It was true. I didn't care what people thought or said, and I was more than willing to "get it on".

"You should care. Because people will treat you as though you did something shameful. Especially people like your father."

"My Pa thinks I did something shameful by being born."

Travis flushed. "I told my parents I was going camping alone. Now I look like a liar, or worse."

I never thought about that. Now I did feel ashamed. Travis was the straightest, most truthful person I knew. It hurt to think maybe other people would think he was a liar, and it would be my fault.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I truly am." I waited, expecting him to tell me again to go home and not knowing if I would or wouldn't.

He sighed. "Well, the harm has already been done. We might as well enjoy the day. We'll be going home tomorrow anyway."