A Soldier's Heart

Aftermath (Beth)

When we got back home, I thought Travis would go straight home, but he came with me to my house.

"I won't let you face your father alone," he said.

When we went in the house, Pa was watching television. He had a beer in his hand and there were a few empty bottles on the coffee table. They should call it a beer table, not a coffee table, I thought.

Pa got up. His face was red.

"Where the hell have you been?" He raised his fist, then must have thought better of it with Travis there, and put his hand down again but his fist was still clenched.

Travis stepped forward.

"She has been with me, sir. We went camping. No harm has come to her."

"No harm?" Pa put his face real close to Travis' but Travis didn't back down one bit. "You had your way with her and you say no harm has come to her."

"No, Pa!" I said, but Travis' voice was louder.

"No, sir, I did not. I wouldn't do that. Beth is my friend and I respect her."

"You ruint her, and now you're going to marry her."

I held my breath. Pa was wrong, I knew that, but if he could make Travis marry me, then Travis would be mine forever. But it wouldn't be fair on Travis. I felt faint, my mind twisting around like a snake you hold by the tail.

"No, sir, I will not. I have not touched your daughter improperly and I will not act as though I had. If you wish to be sure of that, you can have a doctor examine her."

Pa and Travis stared at each other for a few minutes. I think Pa wasn't used to anyone standing up to him, and I'm pretty sure no one ever talked to him with respect, like Travis did. But that was Travis all over.

Then Pa stepped back and nodded. "Mebbe I will. But she had no right to run off like that." He looked at me and I cringed, waiting for him to hit me.

"Sir, she should have told you where she was going. She shouldn't have worried you. But other than that, she did nothing wrong. She's been working hard in school and she needed a break."

I remembered as how Travis promised he wouldn't let anyone hurt me but I didn't think Travis was as strong as my Pa, and he sure wasn't as mean.

"Go on home, boy," Pa said.

Travis looked at me and I nodded. Whatever was going to happen might as well happen now as later. It didn't make no never-minds.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Beth." Travis turned and left.

I looked at Pa. I expected him to haul off and hit me but he didn't. He sat down on the couch and fiddled with the TV controller, but he wasn't watching TV.

Finally he spoke.

"I thought you left me, girl. I thought you left me like your Ma did." He put his head in his hands.

I was too surprised to say anything, and scared to, too.

"Your Ma never tole you, did she?" He lifted his head to look at me. "Your Ma was a pretty little thing. I loved her right off. She let me love her all the way when we only knew each other a couple weeks." He looked at me like he was wondering if I knew what he meant. I could feel my face getting hot so I guess I was blushing, and he knew I did.

"She told me she was pregnant and we had to get married. So we did. We weren't neither of us much older than you. I wasn't ready to be married and have a family. I didn't hardly have no schooling. I couldn't get a good job. But we had to get married. And then Jake was born. He came early, but he looked to be as big as he should have been if he were finished."

I wanted him to stop talking. I didn't want to hear this about my Ma. But he went on.

"I caught her sneaking around right after Jake was born. I called the feller out and he laughed at me, called me a blind fool, said she'd been fooling around with him since before she even met me. I took a round out of him and then went home and asked your Ma about him.

"Your Ma said it was true, she loved him for a long time. She only married me so Jake would have a father. I was so mad, I beat her real bad. But I still loved her, and that made me madder and I beat her again. And it got to be a habit. I beat any love she had for me out of her, but I couldn't beat it out of me. When she got pregnant with you, I was afraid you weren't mine either. I couldn't trust her."

His eyes were on mine, pleading. "Don't you see, Beth? I was afraid you were going to turn out just like her."

I thought of all the times he beat me and I didn't know why. I still didn't really know why, just that it made some kind of sense to him. And I thought about Travis, and how I would have let him love me if he wanted to. But I wouldn't be like Ma.

"Ma told me I had to be good," I said finally. "She told me not to let boys touch me and things."

"That's good," Pa said. And then he started to cry. I never seen Pa cry before, just a couple of tears when Ma left, but that was nothing like this. He cried real hard for a long time. I didn't know what to do. I felt sorry for him, but kind of happy too, like he deserved to be hurting when he hurt everyone around him.

When he was finished crying, he wiped his nose on his sleeve and looked up at me again.

"You're almost a woman now. I guess I have to let you have a bit of freedom. Else how will I know how you're gonna act?"

He got up and went out, and I heard the truck door slam and the engine start. I wondered how much freedom he was talking about.