A Soldier's Heart

Consequences (Beth)

I couldn't talk to anyone about what happened with Bo. Not even Travis. I didn't want him to know what a bad girl I was.

I tried to forget it, and pretend nothing happened, but every time I saw Bo he would smirk at me. I tried to avoid him, but he trapped me at my locker while I was getting my books out. He put one hand on each of the lockers beside mine, and leaned down to lick my ear. I might of liked it a few days ago, but not now.

"I've been thinking about you," he whispered. "Thinking I'd like some more of what we had the other night."

I turned around to face him. That was a mistake. He was so close and he pressed even closer. He started kissing my neck. I tried to push him away but he was too strong.

"Is everything all right, Beth?" Travis was standing behind Bo, frowning at me.

Bo ran his tongue over his lips, grinning this horrible grin, and then he took his hands off the lockers and turned around.

"Just reminding my date of the fun we had at the dance. Or rather, after the dance."

I scooted around him and went to stand beside Travis. He put his arm around me but he was staring at Bo. Bo winked at him and smiled a dirty smile, then walked away with his hands in his pockets, grinning.

"I wish I hadn't of went with him,"  I said to Travis. "I just want him to leave me alone."

Travis looked in my face for a couple of minutes, then nodded.

"I'll make sure he does."

I don't know what Travis said or did to Bo, but sure enough, after that Bo didn't come too close. But he kept giving me these dirty grins and licking his lips and stuff. The other kids noticed and would look at me funny. I had this horrible feeling they knew the bad thing we done.

I was real glad when school was over for the summer. I didn't have to see Bo no more, and I got to spend more time with Travis. Not as much as I liked, though, 'cause he was awful busy with Scouts and things. And then he wanted to get his driver's license, and then a pilot license. What on earth he wanted a pilot license for, I never could figure out. But he started taking lessons and I hardly ever got to spend time with him.

Sometimes on Friday night he would take Marina out to the movies or something. I asked him if she was his girlfriend, but he said no. I wondered if she let him do what Bo done to me. I couldn't think why else he would want to be with her. I didn't dare ask him, though. I was afraid to hear if he did, and afraid he might figure out about me and Bo. But it killed me, seeing him go with Marina.

Some days I would go by myself to our secret place. I didn't go in the cave 'cause it was cold and dark, even with the candle, but I would lie on the grass under the tree and think about things. I thought about Travis, and Travis with Marina, and Bo, and the thing Bo done. But mostly I though about something else.

My monthly was late. At least, it was late at first, but then it didn't come at all. For two months it didn't come. And my dresses started getting tight, and then I knew. This was going to be my punishment for being bad.

I didn't know what to do. I wished my Ma was there to tell me, but then I remembered what Pa told me. When Ma had Jake inside her, she married Pa. I didn't think anyone would marry me. I wished Travis would, but I didn't want him to hate me after like Pa hated Ma. I didn't think he would beat me though.

I would just think round and round in circles, but I couldn't figure out what to do. A few times I started to tell Travis. He was my best friend. He might think I was bad but he would probably help me figure something out. But I just couldn't tell him. And God knows I couldn't talk to Pa about it. I thought if I did, he might beat me and the baby would fall out. That might be all right. But if he started beating me again, he would just keep on, and I couldn't bear the thought of that, after having months of peace.

When we started back to school, I had to let out my dresses and skirts. I tried to wear loose ones, so no one would see the bump in my tummy. But one of the teachers figured it out. She told me to stay after school to talk to her.

Mrs. Wilson got straight to the point. "What are your plans?"

I allowed as how I didn't have any yet.

"You have to tell your parents, if they don't already know."

I guess she didn't know our family situation. "My Ma left. We don't know where she is. And my Pa will kill me if I tell him." Maybe literally, I thought.

Mrs. Wilson frowned. "Well, you can't keep it a secret forever. And I'm sure it will be worse if he finds out the hard way. You have to tell him."

I shrugged. It probably didn't make no never-minds either way.

Mrs. Wilson wrote on a piece of paper, folded it and handed it to me.

"Take this to your father. It's a request for him to come tomorrow evening to talk to me about something important. And you come with him. I'll help you tell him."

I nodded. What else could I do? My life was about over anyway.