A Soldier's Heart

One Night With Travis (Beth)

I waited until the weekend to tell Travis. I told Pa I wanted to go camping with Travis one more time before the wedding. I guess he figured it was my last chance to have some fun, 'cause he said it was all right. Then I asked Travis if we could go camping. I needed to talk to him. Travis was willing, but he couldn't go for the whole weekend. He had a flying lesson on Saturday. I needed to get away before I exploded, so I told him I would go ahead. He could meet me at the campsite late Saturday afternoon.

This time I went a little better prepared to keep myself clean, and took some soup and stuff, some utensils and some plastic dishes and cups. They weren't heavy, but I wouldn't of cared if they weighed a ton. It would be worth it to have this last special time with Travis.

When Travis arrived, he laid out his sleeping bag in the lean-to and built up the fire from the wood I had put close by. He sat down beside me and put his arm around me.

"Tell me whatever you want, whenever you're ready, Beth."

It took me a long time to work up the courage to tell him, but little by little, I did. When I told him about Bo forcing himself on me, I could feel his body tense up. If Bo were there, he'd of hit him, I just know it. Then I told him Pa was making us get married.

"Oh, Beth," he said. He held me close and kissed the top of my head. "I wish there were something I could do. It's just wrong to force you to marry someone when you don't love him."

I wished he would say he would marry me instead but he didn't.

He held me like that for a long time, then he started making our supper. I showed him what I brought, and he smiled at me, but it was a sad smile.

When it started to get dark, I took the dishes down to the creek to clean them. I took my personal stuff too, and stripped down and cleaned myself real good, just in case. Travis came down to the creek, I guess to find out what was taking so long, and I was just getting out of the water. My nipples were sticking out from the cold water but I don't think he could see them. It was already pretty dark. Travis stood there for a couple of minutes, then turned around and went back to the fire. I dried myself and put on clean clothes and went back to the fire too.

Travis made some hot chocolate and we drank it without talking. We sat there for what seemed like hours, before Travis said we should turn in.

I went to the lean-to while he was covering the fire with ashes to keep it hot overnight. I took off all my clothes, and got under the blankets. Travis came a little later. He took off his boots and socks and his shirt but slid under the blankets still wearing his jeans. He jumped when he realized I was naked. I stroked his chest.

"What are you doing, Beth?" His voice was low and kind of shaky.

"I just wanted to touch you," I said. "And I want you to touch me." I lifted his hand and put it on my breast.

He sucked his breath in. "No, Beth. It isn't right." He tried to pull his hand back, but I held it there. I loved the feel of it, so warm on my breast.

"Kiss me, Travis. Please." I begged. His lips touched mine, lightly, like he sometimes kissed me, but I pulled his head down and kissed him the way I wanted him to kiss me. A second later he was responding, just the way I hoped. But only for a minute. He pulled back.

"Beth, you know we shouldn't."

"I don't care." I was desperate. "In a couple of weeks it will be just Bo. I hate him. Just once, I want it to be nice. I want you to love me."

"Beth, I promised you long ago that I would never hurt you and always take care of you."

"This is taking care of me," I whispered, and pulled his head back down to mine.

He gave a little groan, and then he was kissing me just like I always dreamed he would. He kissed down my neck and down to my breast, the way Bo did, only so much nicer. When he got to my breast, he kissed that too, and then he put his mouth on my nipple and sucked it until it stood up. He did the same to my other breast. Nothing ever felt so good to me.

I wanted to touch him all over. I tried to unzip his jeans but the zipper wouldn't move.

"Take them off," I begged.

"Are you sure, Beth? It's not too late to quit."

"I don't want to quit," I said, kissing his chest and pushing at his waistband with no success.

He rolled over, and I heard his zipper go down. He made some quick movements and when he rolled back over to me, he was wonderfully naked. I stroked him where he was sticking out, and he groaned again. His tongue was doing delicious things to my nipples and his hand drifted down lower and started doing delicious things there too.

"Last chance, Beth," he said, lifting his head for a second. "If I don't stop now, I won't be able to."

"I don't want you to stop." I think I would of killed him if he stopped.

His hand came away from my privates and he rolled over on top of me. He was bracing himself with his arms, and kissing me. I felt something hard against me, but I knew what it was and where I wanted it. I raised my knees and he slid inside me. I still felt tight, but as he started moving I could feel myself opening up, and I started to move with him. If I thought it felt good before, that was nothing compared to how good it felt now. I didn't know anything could feel like that. I wanted it to go on forever. But then it was over. Travis rolled over and laid beside me, breathing as heavy as I was.

I rolled over on top of him, wanting to kiss him again, but when I put my hands on his face it was wet with tears.

"What's wrong," I asked. "Did it hurt you?"

"No, Beth." His voice was shaky. "I think I hurt you."

"No you didn't. It was wonderful."

"That's not what I meant. Oh, Beth, I'm so sorry." He pulled me down onto his chest and stroked my hair. I didn't understand what he was sorry about. I was so happy right that minute my heart was like to burst.

"I love you, Travis," I whispered.

"I love you, Beth."

He loved me twice more that night, and again in the morning. I slept with his arms wrapped around me, and it was heaven.

We went down to wash in the creek before breakfast, and in the morning light I could see a sad look on his face, even though he smiled at me. He looked older somehow. I wondered if I did too.

Whatever happened later, that night was a memory to treasure, like a photo you can pull out and look at. I pulled it out a lot over the next few years. Never again was I as happy as I was that night. I loved Travis. And he loved me. He said so.