Twice in a Lifetime \\ KELLIC

1

I remembered it being a whirlwind of pain that consumed every inch of me. I remembered feeling like I was constantly suffocating until I had to remind myself to breathe. I remembered feeling like I couldn't go on any longer. I remembered feeling like my life was over. I remembered feeling like I would never smile again no matter how hard I tried to while looking at my sullen self in the mirror.

I could remember every little thing about that day. I used to replay it over and over again to keep the last images of him in my mind. I was afraid if I didn't think about him then his memory would fade until he was forgotten. When his existence was wiped from the planet it was almost like I had to prove to myself that he was once real.

Most of all I could remember the overwhelming guilt clouding my mind when I started feeling something for another man. I remembered the struggle within myself as I tried to decipher what was right and what was wrong. I remembered trying to figure out if it was possible for me to move on from the person who I thought was my once in a lifetime chance at love.

The day I lost Ashton was the day I lost myself.

I remembered it was one of the first warm days of the year. Spring was finally upon us. It had been my favorite season ever since I was a child. The following years that warmth would be replaced by a chill I could never shake as I longed for it to be summer.

The afternoon sunlight shone through the broken window, making Ashton's golden hair shine extra bright. He turned to look at me. His smile was infectious. When I thought of him, I always thought of his smile first before anything else.

"What?" His deep voice asked.

"Nothing," I smiled coyly and looked back at the wall I was painting.

"You know, we're never gonna finish this room if you keep staring at me," he said.

"I wasn't staring, for your information. I just noticed you have paint on your face, that's all," I shrugged.

"Where?" he asked.

I looked at him as he blindly wiped his cheek. There wasn't a mark there, but it was still amusing to see him do it. When he noticed my cheeky smile he tilted his head to the side and gave me an unimpressed look.

"Since when did you start lying to me, huh?" he asked as he flashed that toothy grin of his.

"I wasn't lying," I denied, "There really is paint on your face."

I wiped some of the light yellow paint from my roller and reached over to him, smearing the paint on his cheek. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward him.

"Oh, is that how you're gonna play it?" he asked.

"I guess so," I giggled.

"Well, baby, you got paint all over your hair," he said and that mischievous grin grew wider.

"Don't even!" I cried out, but it was too late.

Ashton pushed me against the wet wall and I was about to yell at him because now we'd have to repaint it, but I couldn't ever be mad at him, especially when his eyes were glistening with such happiness and life. I certainly couldn't be mad when he pressed his lips against mine.

This was so typical of Ashton. We bought this house not too long ago. It was cheap because it was so run-down. It was a real fixer-upper and so far we had made it liveable again. There were a lot of renovations left to make it a real home though. It was difficult to get things done when instead of working, Ashton was getting all playful with me. He had the attention span of a goldfish sometimes, but who was I to complain? I always let him do it.