Twice in a Lifetime \\ KELLIC

2

I felt nothing. As much as I tried to get myself to cry, I couldn't. Maybe I didn't have the energy, or maybe it hurt so much that my body knew it would be destroyed if I let myself feel it. Either way, I felt nothing and that invoked thoughts of guilt. I should have felt something, anything.

It had been two days since it happened and all I had done was lay so still on the couch, clutching at a pillow. Sleep was so inviting. I found it at every chance I could. To slip away from the reality of the world for a few hours was so relieving. I was addicted to it.

A bird outside the window had been squawking ceaselessly for the past half an hour. I didn't mind it at all. Each time the shrill sound left its beak it jolted me from my straying thoughts and instead I focused on it. What did it want from me? Was it hungry? That made two of us. I hadn't been able to bring myself to stomach anything.

It was the morning, I think, and the only thing on my agenda for the day was to fall asleep again, but I couldn't even get that one, simple luxury. There was a patterned knock on the door that belonged to one person who usually riled me up with thoughts of animosity, but today I didn't even flinch.

The knock sounded again. I closed my eyes. Maybe if I kept them closed then he'd go away and leave me here. I didn't have such luck. I heard him open the door. I sighed heavily. I hadn't spoken to him since the hospital. I hadn't spoken to anyone.

I heard his footsteps enter the room. He approached me with caution and I stayed still. I didn't want to see anyone. I just wanted to lay here and pretend that the entire world had stopped because that was easier than remembering my world had ended.

"Kellin?" Vic asked.

"What?" my voice was barely there. I hadn't physically spoke in a little while.

"Oh good, you're awake. Sorry to let myself in. Spare key and all," he said.

I gave in and opened my eyes. He was standing a few feet away, but I saw him holding his key, along with a few dishes and magazines.

"Cass left some food for you on the porch when you wouldn't answer. I guess you didn't check. They're ruined now, but that's okay, I'll throw them out. Knowing her she'll be back again today with more," he explained.

I didn't say a thing. He was breathing heavily and looking down at me like I was an injured animal. Maybe I was. I closed my eyes and put the pillow over my face. I heard him leave the room and go to the kitchen. I tried to drown out the cluttering noise.

What was he doing here? It wasn't like he was my friend. He wasn't. We never got along. The only time he ever came here was to see Ashton. His name suddenly entering my mind made me cringe. I said it in my head over and over again until I became numb to it. Ashton. Ashton. Ashton. It was just a name.

"Alright, wakey wakey, time to get down to business," Vic said.

I removed the pillow from my face and turned to look at him standing at the foot of the couch.

"What are you on about?" I asked. My throat hurt so bad. Talking was becoming such a chore.

"I need your help," he said.

He pushed my legs from the end of bed so he could sit down. I groaned, curling my body into a ball. Why did he continue to be so annoying? I thought that Ashton and Vic were a package deal, and yet here he was, still in my life.

"I know this probably isn't what you wanna talk about, but we have to, so let's do it quickly like ripping off a Band-Aid. So, I'm just gonna get straight to it. Kellin, I need your help with some funeral plans," he spoke quickly, like if he were to just get all the words out there then maybe they wouldn't register with me. They did.