Twice in a Lifetime \\ KELLIC

19

I don't know why I thought I could go to sleep and ignore Vic's comment about my phone. It had been sitting on my bed next to me while I tried to drift off to sleep. It took me a week to come back home. That meant it took me a week to settle down and be able to think clearly, and now there was something on my phone, which I didn't know what, that could shake me again.

I wasn't one hundred percent sure about what was on my phone. At first I thought that maybe Vic left me a message when I was away, but that was wishful thinking. Deep down I had a feeling it was Ashton, and the thought of hearing his voice terrified me because I had no idea how I'd react to that. It had been months since I heard him speak.

Laying there, close to midnight, I came to the conclusion that there was no way I was going to fall asleep any time soon. I rolled onto my stomach and grabbed my phone. I squinted as the light shone when I unlocked it. I stopped what I was doing when I saw my background picture of Ashton and I.

It wasn't the first time I had seen a picture of him since he died. There were a ton laying around the house. He was really into the whole family photos thing. I ran my thumb lightly over the picture before sighing and going to my missed messages.

I had a lot of missed calls and texts. Recently they were all from Vic, Cass, Ryan and my boss. I texted my boss first and told him I was back, I was sorry and I just needed a time out. He was quick to text me back, asking me to come in tomorrow for a talk. I had a strong feeling I wasn't going to have a job for much longer.

I texted back Cass and Ryan too to let them know I was okay. They didn't respond right away. I didn't think they would. I think they were still on their honeymoon. They were due back any day now though.

I sifted through the calls and texts. There were some from distant family members which I ignored. I kept going and got down to the voicemail that I knew Vic was talking about. There was one there from Ashton.

My thumb hovered over the screen as I contemplated whether I wanted to listen to it. There was a possibility that it was nothing. He could have hung up straight away and the voicemail was blank. Perhaps I was working myself up for nothing. I didn't know if that was worse than actually hearing his voice though.

What if he was mad at me? What if his final words to me was something I didn't want to hear? The night he died, the last thing he said to me was that he loved me, and that was the most perfect thing he could have said as his final words. I didn't want to listen to a message and have that ruined.

Look at me, I was laying here on the verge of tears as the decision caused a battle in my head. If I was having this much trouble barely a day into knowing I had a message from Ashton, then I doubt I was going to handle going the rest of my life not listening to it.

I breathed in and out deeply before pressing on the voicemail and holding the phone to my ear. My hands were shaking as I listened to the automated voice telling me I had a message, and then, I heard Ashton.

"Hey Kellin, I guess you're fast asleep by now..." his strained voice spoke.

I stopped. I took the phone away from my ear and stopped the message. Hearing his voice again was unlike anything I had ever felt before. My heart tore apart at the seams as a mixture of longing and sadness swirled around in me.

I closed my eyes tightly as I cried. I lay on my back, clutching the phone to my chest. I could do this. I just had to calm myself down a little. I took a deep breath in and out. At this point, the only thing making me go on was knowing that Ashton deserved for me to hear him. It wouldn't be right if I ignored or deleted the message.

I looked at the screen. I could do this. I had to. I started the message again and held the phone to my ear.

"Hey Kellin, I guess you're fast asleep by now which...sucks...I really wish I could hear your voice right about now," he said. I heard the heavy, labored breathing between phrases. I closed my eyes and just listened.