A Spaceman

Chapter 37--Wild Times

We walk out of the police station. Everybody who tries to stop us is frozen. Lizzie didn't come alone. There are dozens of them. some fresh out of the place that I smashed up. Some who came off the street, wearing suits, scrubs, uniforms, they nod as we pass, the police cars halted, bullets suspended in the air. Like walking through a photograph. I'm carrying Lizzie, after all she did she's weak, and almost asleep in my arms. Blood is still on her face, coming from her ears as well, I wipe it off now and then.

Slowly, as we walk, the others join us. the others from the hospital. Some turn to go back to their jobs, never to be recognized, one of a hundred, they will get away surely. The cameras on the street corners are smashed.

"The trains will be stopped," a woman is walking next to us. She's wearing a coat over the hospital robe. She's one of the ones from the center. I remember her, I think she told me her name. "We'll have to walk through the forests to get up the mountain."

"That's all right," I say. "We'll reach the edge of the city by nightfall. Can we hold them off till then?"

"Yes," she says, wiping blood from her face with a sleeve, "They won't come after us."

"Thank you," I say, "For coming for me."

"Had to return the favor," she says, smiling a little.

"Yeah," I say, hugging Lizzie tighter. Don't let them hurt her. the last thing she said to me. I have to make good on my promise. I said I wouldn't. that's more than getting her out of that place.

"She needs you," Maureen says, softly. "I don't know what happened but---you can't leave her alone too."

"I won't," I say. not again. "I think I need her too."

**

"I've got something to tell you," I say, walking into Ziegfeld's room. of course I know the code. She's sitting in a chair, blouse off, reading on a tablet. She barely looks up. I come to talk to her sometimes.

"What is it?" she asks, turning around. the she frowns seeing me, bare chested, covered in her son's blood.

"Not to be afraid," I say, and with a flick of the knife I slit her wrists.

**

"The doctors say she's doing well," my mother says, coming up to me. I'm sitting by the incubator, staring at my niece. Memorizing her. she's bigger than her brother. Strong. I can see her chest rising and falling. She's breathing on her own all right. The machines are there, but she's okay.

"She'll live," I say. Her parents were strong. She will be too.

"They sounded surprised, said she should never have lived through what she did," my mother says, quietly.

"She's going to be a force to be reckoned with, aren't you?" I ask, rubbing my finger against the glass. "Did you ask them, if we could make her birthday tomorrow, or something? So she doesn't know."

"They said we can," she says.

"Good," I say. I never want her pureness to be infected with the evil of today. Her mother's murder, however justified. Her father, a murderer, however justified. They cared about her, surely. but it would do no good to let her birthday be the day her dad slaughtered dozens of innocent people. No, let her be free from all that. free to be good and honest, and not evil. Free from all the evil in the world. Children are, I thought. They are pure. And good. Nnot like us. we all get sullied. Some more than others. Some by choice. But I don't want to think about that happening to her. let her sleep peacefully tonight.

"Are you okay?" my mother asks.

"Are you?" I ask.

"No," she says, shaking her head.

"Nor am I," I say, "Why did it have to happen?"

"I don't know. we tried with Charlene we---" her voice breaks.

"I know," I say, "It's not your fault. I'm here I'm okay."

"So far," she says, hugging herself, "Your father went to arrange the funeral, for Charlene and the baby. The doctors said, they knew what the father said they were calling it—I don't know if it's right to call it that but then I think it doesn't matter and then of course it does even though he died he's still her brother---"

"It doesn't matter," I say, "They're dead. Clarisse is alive."

"Yes," she says, taking a deep breath, "Are you okay, with it---with her?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" I ask, "She's mine. I don't care saying she's mine. She needs somebody to love her."

"Yes, yes," my mother says, "Just----I don't know."

"It's not hereditary. Evil," I say.

"That isn't the word---"

"Her mum got shot by police, she was resisting arrest what was she doing getting herself arrested? I thought the guy she was with was good finally, I thought she had her life on track," I say, shaking my head, "It is evil, evil that makes people do what they did, so they don't have her anymore."

"I suppose," she says.

"But I don't think it's hereditary. I think this one has a chance," I say, looking at her. "She's tiny. She doesn't know any of it. she won't know violence or murder or anything. I'll make sure of that."

**

"You're late."

"You're very funny come on, I'm going to medical."

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" Tess asks, following me as I pick up her backpack for her. I'm still not wearing a shirt and I'm still splattered in blood. Both of their blood. but I couldn't do it. couldn't look her eyes and know I killed him. and know she knew he was dead. anymore than I could live without my little one. She'd have done the same for me, I'd like to think.

"Read it on your bloody tablet----sorry," I say, with a sigh.

"I love you daddy," Tess says, wrapping her arms around my waist.

"Love you too," I say, giving her a squeeze.

**

"There's been a murder."

"Of course there has," I say, palming a few more pain killers. Invigorating my ass. "Out of pure curiosity where was Major Card at the time?"

"Being attacked," Hawking says, as she hands me a drink of vodka, "You'll want this."

"Yeah, might as well---what do you mean?" I ask.

"Young Ziegfeld tried to kill Major Card," Hawking says, "He died in the fight."

"Is too much to hope the personal pronoun was replacing 'Major Card'?" I ask.

"Far too much, though that's very cruel---Ziegfeld died," she says.

"Course he did," the devil can't be killed. "Is that all?"

"No, Lt Col Ziegfled has killed herself. Major Tom just found the body---she was going to deliver the news, but it seems Ziegfeld had already seen the bulletin," Hawking says, heavily, "She cut her wrists."

"Right," I say, with a sigh. All the carnage tonight. at least Leavitt walks free. I didn't want to lose him as well. If he had been kept in there then the world really would be coming to an end. This is just par for the course. I don't blame her, for dying. I can't imagine she'd have wanted to live with out him. "Where is Major Card?"

"He went to get his daughter, just reported to medical. Seems he was supposed to meet her so being him he wanders off bleeding to get her and then to go medical, he's cut up a bit, nothing serious," Hawking says, "He did try to save Ziggy---was doing CPR when we came up."

"Right, of course, thank you," I say.

"You should sleep it off. nothing to do now," she says.

"No, never anything to do."