A Spaceman

Chapter 34--Mess with Major Tom

"What made you come back?" I ask. I want to kiss her but I also really need to hear her voice. and know what she's thinking. I usually do but sometimes I just need to hear it. for now, for this moment, holding her is and should be enough. I haven't touched her in too many years. She still feels the same in my arms, still strong. I can feel the hard muscles through her thick shirt, her hair still very short event though the military collapsed a long time ago. I collapsed it and mine is still regulation short as well. old habits. I really want to kiss her mouth.

"I've given up," she says, leaning against me, her body in perfect line with mine. I can feel the hard bones of her hips pressed against my legs. "I want to be with you. I've fought long and hard and I know I can't win."

"You were never one to give up," I say, looking into her eyes. I really want to kiss her. finally we are alone. I haven't even touched her these past hours. I had to show Soren where he's to stay and tell him where not to go, as well as bring my own troops back and give them orders. Now Soren is dispatched to get out of that stupid FYTC t-shirt and familiarize himself with the ship and ladders. It is highly confusing so that only I and a few minions I don't trust understand it. I give him the better part of an hour to find his way around. We shall see how he does.

"You were never one to love," she says, leaning forward so that our foreheads touch. I can feel her soft, if small, breasts pressing against my chest and I close my eyes, my hands are on her back just sitting there not doing anything productive like they could be but this is threatening to consume all eight of my planes I want to reserve at least one for Soren another for future plans but I also want to give in and just be one with her.

"I know," I say, "Yet here we are."

"Yet here we are," she says, softly, "You don't know how I've missed you."

"Don't you hate me for all the things I've done?" I ask, shaking my head, "You said you did."

"Yes but I cannot get you out of my mind. I've tried so many years, trying to resist you. yet I can't. so I give in," she says, "You've always been---impossibly---terribly---you. and that's why I love you."

"All right," I say, pressing my face against hers. I want her. shut up Titus. you have to talk through everything don't you? just shut up for a minute and enjoy it. "I trust you. you---"

"You talk through everything don't you?" she asks, stroking my face, fingers lingering on the scars.

"I suppose I do," I say, my hands moving under her shirt to remove it. Her skin is sticky with sweat.

"You wouldn't be Titus otherwise," she says, her hands are undoing my pants. I am going to say something else but I do not. Instead I kiss her mouth.

**

It has taken me the smaller part of an hour but I finally think I know my way around the Pandemonium. My fears for my mother and home are disappearing as my mind buzzes with excitement. The place is confusing, it's like it came out of the imagination of a six year old, everything a different color, ladders going off at weird angles some of them nowhere. It would be easier to navigate in zero-g, but as it is my arms are aching from climbing up and down and around the place.

The Isylgyns regard me warily. I talk to them but they seem to be under orders not to respond. They are warming up to me, though. A few of them have begun to follow me around. Not on orders it seems, I think they are genuinely curious about me. I am hungry and while ago I found some sort of galley, there were locks on all the cabinets. The Isylgyns could not be persuaded to help me open them, and I was not of the humor to start trying combinations, preferring at that point to keep exploring. Now however I wish I'd stopped. Titus told me where his private quarters were, and he and Major Tom went there and my imagination is good enough that I have no intention of going looking for either of them just yet. They didn't tell me not to, specifically which I thought was polite, though.