A Spaceman

Chapter 25--One year later...

"How can you just sit idly by and do nothing, you are commander of this ship doesn't that mean anything to you?" I ask, slamming the door to Thorn's office and holding onto the ceiling so I'm directly in front of him.

"Major Card, we've been over and over this you need to seriously focus on how you enter a room---"

"It's been over a year, we cannot just let this go on, Jesus, how can you sit idly by content to wallow in a pit of your apathy while your men are suffering?" I ask.

"The only person suffering is you," Thorn says, giving up on doing whatever he was trying to do before I walked in.

"And I am the most important person---he loves her, I can see it in his eyes, he wants her---I'm sixty five percent sure he's trying to convince her to have sex with him---"

"You see I seriously don't want or need to know that---"

"---worse than that---worse than that I think she's starting to love him, and I can't have that, I just can't," I say.

"I'm sorry, Card, if I could fix your love life I would---"

"I would too but she won't let me she says there isn't anything I can do---"

"And crawling on the floor kissing her feet and vowing your undying devotion to her didn't do it so I don't think---"

"You saw that?" I ask. One of my less dignified moments a few months ago. Don't judge me, I'm desperate and what help are you?

"Kip did and has since told everybody he's ever met---point being you have tried your hardest, you're the smartest person here, Titus, if you can't figure it out, nobody can," he says.

"That's not true, I refuse to admit defeat---I will not fail," I say, "I've tried everything, even getting her drunk---"

"How wasted did you get?" he asks, amused.

"Why do you automatically assume she out drank me?" I ask, irritated.

"She's bigger than you are and she's Academy those bastards can drink, go on how wasted?" he asks.

"I was----quite inebriated---my various plans beside the point, none of them have worked and it's absurd, there has to be some way to win her back," I say.

"Sometimes, you just have to let people go," he says, unbuckling from his chair and pushing up to talk to me at eye level, "I'm sorry. I know how hard it is for you. But people can't be controlled."

"Yes they can," I say.

"Not their emotions, they can't. We have a free will, Titus, and I'm sorry she doesn't love you I truly am---but you have to let her go," he says.

"I can't do that," I say, looking away from hm.

"You're going to have to learn how," he says, "I know it isn't easy when---somebody doesn't feel about you the same way you do about them."

"What if I kidnap her?" I ask, lifting my head up.

"Okay, no, as your commander I cannot let you do that---"

"Stockholm syndrome is well documented plus I've already had sex with her---"

"Again, something I didn't need to know and no, Titus, you can't do that. You and I both know you don't want her to love you like that. You want her to love you for who you are. How you are," he says.

"Nobody ever will," I say.

"That's not true," he says.

"Neither of us believe that," I say.