A Spaceman

Chapter 32--To be different

"There are police up ahead," Jo says, craning her neck to see why there is a crowd of people on the sidewalk.

"I wonder what they're doing," I say, frowning. Just let it be a random murder or suicide or something not---

"They're looking for me," Lizzie says, closing her eyes.

"They can't be," I begin, "It's got to be---"

"No, they are," she says.

"I told you, they're setting up checkpoints all sorts of places, um, okay, let's just---," she turns around, a couple of officers are telling people they can't turn back.

"We have to just try to get through,' I say, shaking my head, "It's a blood test, thing----we'll say she's afraid of needles, act really normal---"

"No, you guys just go. If they know you're harboring me they'll arrest you too," Lizzie says.

"No, they won't, we can act like we don't know—" I say.

"We are actually kidnapping her," Jo points out, "We have to breakthrough."

"I'll distract them, you go," I say.

"No, you'll get arrested," Jo says, shaking her head.

"No you guys can't," Lizzie starts to cry.

"Yes we can, we're a party, remember?" I say, wiping the tears from her eyes with my thumbs, "You're the spymaster, you find the two of you a safe way out----Jo's the touchstone, she's going to keep you safe---I'm the killer, I stay behind and clear the area---those are the party rules, remember?"

"Yes," Lizzie says, nodding.

"Okay," Jo says, nodding. She knows it's the only way. I'm physically able to cause a distraction, and she and Lizzie can blend into the crowd better than I can.

"We'll be okay," I say, squeezing Jo's shoulders. But I'm afraid we won't.

**

"What is it you want to talk to me about?" I ask. Titus has finally managed to get me alone, right around lunch funny his timing. We are some of the last few to see the quack before boarding a ship back to Kepler. Now we are just in a waiting room, half dressed in our SBUs without our blouses, in his case drinking milk in mine water. Ziggy, much to his annoyance, was forced to bow to the wishes of his mother and had his post flight EKG and quack visit first. So we are quite alone. Well, Quinn is floating on the other side of the room reading and being discrete with a couple other young Lieutenants.

"I realized something that I wanted to share with you," he says, crumpling his milk packet.

"Oh, really what?" I ask, pretending to be interested. I'm not very good at it.

"Stop I know when you're cross with me that's the thing----that I've realized----and I want you to know----I am always going to love you with all of my heart, independent of whether or not you love me---"

"Titus---"

"No, let me finish, I'm not trying to win you back----if in fact I ever had you---I'm just telling you, because I adore you with every part of my soul, so I feel like you should know, that if you ever need someone, who loves you with more fire than all the stars in the galaxy, then I'm here. and if you don't----I'll still be here. to love you," he says. I close my eyes.

**

"And I'm not saying this to upset you----I'm saying it because it's upsetting me---and it's not easy and I'm trying because----if I didn't love you as much as I do I would still be trying to win you but I'm not---because I do, I'm telling you, that I'm okay to let you go now---admittedly this took me a while, but I am, and I'll always be here for you, even though you don't want me, well, I will be," I say, and then I can't look at her anymore so look down and pull myself towards the door.