Fix My Feet When They're Stumblin'

Chapter 5

    The soft rustling of Brandon's jeans and quiet tapping of his right foot against the faded airport terminal carpet betrayed his anxiety over the upcoming flight to Kansas City. The band and crew had been split between two different flights, and the weather had taken a bit of a turn for the worse since most of their group had taken off earlier - just a bit of drizzling and a light breeze, not something most people would even blink at.

     Brandon Flowers, though, was not most people. He had taken his Xanax before they had left the hotel, as usual, but right now he was sorely tempted to double his dose. He could hear his racing heartbeat in his ears and feel his heart slamming into his ribs, like a doomed deathrow inmate trying to break out of his cell. As their boarding time drew closer and the rain increased from a light sprinkling to a more steady dousing, he began struggling to keep his breathing under control. Deep breaths, deep breaths, he told himself, trying to slow his rapid, shallow breathing. Brandon swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat, bowed his head and rested his forehead in his sweaty, trembling hands, eyes closed, trying desperately to block out the sickening sight of the airplane drenched in rain on the tarmac in front of him. A sinking nausea had settled in his stomach. Multicolored circles and starbursts appeared and began to multiply in the blackness through his closed eyelids, the first sign that he was fighting a losing battle trying to control his hyperventilation.

    "...ndon? Brandon? Brandon." A sudden gentle pressure on his shoulder startled Brandon and he flinched in his seat, opening his eyes and jerking his head out of his hands, looking in the direction of the pressure. Ronnie, sitting next to him with his wife Olivia on his other side, had removed his headphones and placed his hand on Brandon's shoulder, looking down at him with his eyebrows drawn together in concern. "Hey, did I ever tell you the story of how I lost my little brother?"

    Brandon's growing panic was stifled by confusion. "Huh? Uh...um...no, I...I don't think so," Brandon stammered, thrown for a loop by this sudden diversion from the dark and anxious road his mind had been hurtling towards.

    "Oh, it's a good one!" Ronnie said with a grin. "See, I was 12 and my parents thought I was responsible enough to babysit my brother. So they went out for the night and left him with me, but I didn't wanna watch him, I wanted to play drums - " Brandon smiled at this very Ronnie Vannucci statement, " - so I set him up in the living room with a movie and a box of Oreos and went to drum in my room in peace. I came out an hour later to check on him and he wasn't anywhere, I couldn't find him anywhere in the house! I was fucking freaking out, mom and dad were gonna kill me! I ran through the house looking everywhere, couldn't find him, checked the yard and his bike was gone...fuck, where could he have gone? I grabbed my bike and went running around asking everyone I saw if they'd seen my brother, started checking places he might've gone...it took me a whole hour but eventually I found him at fuckin' Chuck-E-Cheese of all places, turns out he'd decided to take his birthday money and play some games and see if he couldn't win himself some new toys!" Ronnie finished with a snort, shaking his head.

    Brandon's eyes had been glued to Ronnie's through the entire story. His breathing had slowly steadied and returned to normal by the end. "Uh-huh. Did your parents ever find out you lost him?"

    Ronnie laughed. "Worse, they got home before we did and then they were the ones freaking out, thought maybe we got kidnapped or something, they'd called the cops and everything by the time we came back home. Mom grounded me for two months and my brother got one."

    Brandon let out a breathy chuckle and smiled shakily at Ronnie. "If you ask me the punishments should've been switched." He paused for a second and his eyes dropped from Ronnie's face for the first time, studying his shoes for a moment with a deep sigh. "Thanks, Ron."