Fix My Feet When They're Stumblin'

Chapter 25

    "Good morning, Mr. Flowers!" Mandy's cheerful face appeared in Brandon's doorway, a paper bowl clutched in her hands. "How are you feeling?"

    Brandon shrugged, fidgeting with the edge of his sling. "My head...it hurts."

    The nurse frowned slightly and checked a folder at the foot of his bed. "Well, let me bump up your medication a bit. I brought you some Jell-O, if you'd like to try eating - I know it's not a proper breakfast, but we have to start small."

    Brandon shook his head. "Not...I'm not...n-n-not...not...I'm n-not..." He sighed and fell silent, with such a defeated expression that Mandy had to fight the urge to drop everything and hug her patient.

    "You're not hungry?" She suggested gently, noting the light that flared back to life in his eyes as she spoke the word he had been searching for.

    "Yes, I'm not hungry," he repeated firmly, a tiny smile of thanks tugging at the corners of his mouth.

    "Well, that's alright, but can you just take one bite for me? Just one bite, and then I'll leave you alone." He hesitated, looking at the little bowl uncertainly. "Please, Mr. Flowers?"

    "...Okay."

    Mandy smiled encouragingly and wheeled the bed tray over to Brandon, placing the bowl with its plastic spoon in front of him. He stared at the bowl for a while before raising a trembling hand, grappling with the spoon for several seconds before he could finally hold it. His hand shook badly enough that the spoon rattled the bowl, nearly upending it before Mandy hastily held it securely against the tray.

     Brandon tried unsuccessfully to scoop the bright green Jell-O onto the spoon, once...twice...three times...over and over, he underestimated the distance to the bowl, scooping the air just in front of it, and a scowl grew on his face with every new attempt. On the fourth try, he managed it at last, holding a wiggling spoonful of Jell-O. Brandon moved the spoon toward his mouth, but his hand shook so violently that the spoon tipped over and the little blob of Jell-O fell onto the tray.

    "I'm s-s-sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry - "

    Mandy swept up the mess with a napkin and carefully took the spoon from Brandon, placing it back into the bowl and sliding the tray away from him in one smooth motion.

    "Mr. Flowers, please, it's alright! You did a great job, that was your very first try! It's okay. It's okay," she repeated slowly, watching him anxiously. He looked dangerously close to tears, breathing too quickly and shrinking in on himself, eyes downcast with his arms folded protectively across his chest. Perhaps a distraction was needed.

    "Your physical therapist, Ryan, told me he'll be down to see you in a little bit! What did you think of your first session yesterday? Ryan said you did a good job!"

    Brandon shrugged, not looking at her, his chest heaving as he struggled to breathe. She waited patiently, and finally he spoke to his knees. "I'm - I'm useless. W-w-worthless."

    Shit shit shit. Not a good choice of distraction. Mandy's eyes widened in concern, her face softening, and she sat in the chair by his bed, hoping that he might feel better if she stopped looming over him. "Ohhh, Mr. Flowers, of course you're not! What makes you think that?"

    His eyes were misty, his face drawn and pale, older than his years. "I'm - I - I'm not - I - I can't..." Brandon closed his eyes and sighed, silent for a few seconds. When he spoke again, his voice was slow and deliberate. "I can't do anything. I c-can't eat...I can't...can't t-talk right..I can't even...I can't even fucking walk...there's n-n-nothing...nothing wrong with my fucking legs but I can't...I c-c-can't..." Mandy's heart twisted as she watched his face crumple, his body shaking with sobs.