Fix My Feet When They're Stumblin'

Chapter 62

    Brandon opened his eyes, blinking lazily at the dim, cloudy strips of sunlight streaming across the floor through the cracks in their window blinds. The sight of the room he shared with Tana covered in labels made him feel rather ill, and he closed his eyes again to shut it out. Like a child - worse than a child. I shouldn't be here. I don't want to be here.

    He swallowed hard, bringing his painfully parched throat to his attention. Water. Brandon sighed, not ready to leave the warmth and comfort of his bed, and then reluctantly pushed the blankets away and eased his legs over the side of the bed. He sat still for a moment, trying to orient himself, and then carefully stood and made his way to the open bedroom door.

    Staring out at the hallway, with three anonymous passages leading elsewhere in the house, he froze. His heart pumped uncomfortably fast, his fingers were suddenly icy cold and numb as he clutched the door frame. I don't know...I don't know where to go. God, I...I don't know. I don't even know where my own fucking kitchen is.

    A crushing wave of despair and shame stole Brandon's wobbly legs from beneath him, and he sank to the floor in the doorway to his bedroom, blinking absently at the long, empty stretch of shining hardwood hallway ahead of him. I don't know where to go. Hot tears sprang to his eyes, burning, and he squeezed them shut and buried his face in his knees, hugging his legs and losing himself in his tears.

    A minute passed, and then something touched his back, unexpected and firm. He jerked up in surprise, flinching away and pressing his body sideways into the wall instead, trying to shield his back from the touch. He blinked up through the tears at a blurry figure who crouched before him, recognizing the bright blonde hair before her face came into focus, her arm returning to her side.

    "Brandon, honey...what's wrong? I'm sorry, I meant to be there when you woke up, I just stepped out for a quick lunch. I'm sorry, baby. What's wrong?"

    He shook his head, dissolving into sobs and pressing his face back into his knees. "I...I d-don't kn-know...I d-d-don't know," he forced out between gasping sobs, squeezing his knees even tighter. He felt Tana sit beside him with a soft sigh, her back against the wall.

    "You don't know what's wrong?"

    He shook his head violently, covering his head with his arms, squeezing, attempting to stifle his tears. He felt Tana's sharp intake of breath, felt her touch his left shoulder lightly.

    "Hey, take it easy on that side, baby - I forgot to put your sling back on after you showered. I don't want you to hurt your shoulder."

    He sighed and relaxed his arm obediently, blinking down at the swirling grain of the dark hardwood floor. Again, Tana's voice filled his ears, soft and tentative.

    "Brandon, you mean you don't know what's wrong? You don't know...why you're upset?"

    He shook his head again. "No, I don't - I don't know, T-Tana. I don't..." Brandon took a deep breath, then another, and forced himself to look up at her, loathing the high-pitched, pleading note in his voice, hating the pity that lurked in her watery blue eyes.

    "I d-don't know where...where I am, I don't kn-know...I wanted to - to g-go...s-somewhere, but I don't know...I d-d-don't know w-where...where that is. I don't know how t-to...I just - I d-don't know, I don't know."

    He dropped his head back to his knees, exhausted, unable to bear her horrified, stricken expression a moment longer. "Sorry...I'm s-s-sorry," he mumbled into his sweatpants, his eyes closed. "So s-stupid."

    A deep, slow inhale, then a long sigh were his wife's only response for many seconds, and then he felt her arm settle softly around his shoulders, drawing him close.