Fix My Feet When They're Stumblin'

Chapter 74

    "...C-Come on. T-Tana?"

    Something tugged gently at her sleeve while the tentative voice questioned her, quiet but insistent. Tana wrinkled her nose in languid protest and raised her other hand lazily to brush the thing away.

    "No...g'way."

    A brief heartbeat of silence was her sweet reward, and then a familiar, soft giggle sent brilliant shockwaves through her heart. She jerked her head up and opened her eyes, bumping the back of her skull against the wall behind her in her drowsy haste.

    "Sorry! Oh, s-sorry...T-Tana?"

    As the blurry world came into focus around her, Tana smiled. Brandon sat beside her, reaching toward her head with shaky fingers, his eyes wide and worried.

    "S-Sorry, sorry, I - your head," he said quietly, putting a hollow, significant emphasis on the word. "I didn't...you're o-okay?"

    She stared blankly, completely bemused, before his meaning cut through her sleep-addled mind. Of course; of course he's worried about me hitting my head. Tana sighed, tilting her neck to allow him to bury his fingertips in her hair and touch the spot that had hit the wall, then beamed up at him, touched by the innocent concern in the gesture.

    "It's fine, baby. I'm okay. Promise. You just surprised me. You laughed," she added, seeing a faint haze of confusion cloud his face. "It's just - well, you know, it feels like I haven't heard you laugh in forever."

    His face fell as soon as the words left her mouth and she watched him jerk his hand away as though she had stung him. God, I wish he came with an instruction manual, she thought wryly. '1,001 Perfectly Innocuous Comments That Will Make Your Husband Cry.'

    "I'm sorry, Brandon, I didn't mean to..."

    To do what? I don't even know why I upset him. Tana hesitated, letting the words die in her throat while her husband fidgeted with a loose thread at the hem of his shirt, his eyes suspiciously bright.

    "I just...sorry," she sighed, grazing the back of his hand with her fingertips. "Are you okay, honey? You woke me up, did you need something?"

    Brandon bit his lip and looked down, avoiding eye contact with her. He shook his head, then nodded and huffed quietly in clear frustration. Morose, he dropped his chin into his hand and stared at the floor, his gaze distant.

    "Brandon. It's okay. Do you need something?" she asked again, careful to keep her own burgeoning irritation out of her voice.

    Once again, he shook his head, but he finally opened his mouth as if to speak, his eyes now obviously sparkling with tears. Her heart wrenched painfully when Brandon turned his ashen face away from her, violently swiping at his eyes. He still won't let me see him cry. Why? The seconds ticked by while he seemed to wrestle with himself, searching for words.

    "I d-don't know - I'm lost," he finally whispered, directing his answer to the floorboards rather than to her. "I-I'm...I'm l-lost."

    For a second, she thought he meant 'lost' in a metaphorical sense, but as she studied her husband's miserable face, suddenly the implication dawned on her as she recalled his words earlier - 'I was g-going to - to go...s-somewhere...and I-I forgot where - I forgot w-w-what...forgot what I was d-doing.' How long ago had they had that conversation? Two hours? Three?

    Fuck. I just brushed it off and moved right along so I could have a chat with him. I should've realized; he ended up like this the other day, too, when I left him alone so he could sleep in...damn it. Tana sat bolt upright, the last of her drowsiness gone.