Bunking With Boys

Chapter 28: The Effects of the Fear of Vulnerability

Avery's POV

Their smiles were long gone now and have been for a long time.

Dawson walks up to Ronnie with a blank face, reaches his fist up, and throws it at Ronnie's already bruising eye, knocking him backward in full force.

After Ronnie falls back onto the ground, no one bothers in trying to catch him. Or help him what so ever.

"Get the fuck out," Axel tells Ronnie which genuinely both shocked and surprised me.

From what I'd heard and the way that Axel had talked about his brother these past 2 days made it seems like they were best friends and that Ronnie was Axel's rock. Was he really disowning him in a sense for me?

"What?" Ronnie asks utterly perplexed. I guess he couldn't process what his little brother said either.

"I don't want you here around Avery, around my girlfriend and child, or around me. So, get the fuck out before I throw your ass out."

Ronnie stood up but doesn't leave yet.

"You seriously gonna stop talking to me over some girl?" Ronnie seethes, trying to salvage what was left of his relationships with these boys.

"Not some girl. Avery is my friend. She's like a sister to me. And even if it wasn't Avery who you..did this shit to. It's disgusting. And I don't want to associate myself with anyone who would ever even consider doing anything like that. So get out. Before I find a way to send your ass to prison for the rightful amount of time you deserve. Which is a hell of a lot longer than 18 months."

I stayed silent throughout everything.

Because I didn't know what to say? Maybe.

Because I was having trouble knowing how I was feeling? Definitely.

I didn't know if I was angry at him. I mean of course I was but maybe I was more scared of him than anything. And that was hard for me to accept.

Ronnie finally shoves his way through everyone, who were all glaring at him, and when he gets to the doorway he says something than sends me over the edge.

"Don't act like you never fucking liked it." And then he walks away.

I stay frozen in my spot until I realize that all eyes are on me now.

And I hated it.

So, I did what I do best. I ran. And I avoided the issue. And I prayed no one was dumb enough to follow me.

I threw myself on top of my bed and stared at the wall in front of me. And I tried. I really tried to understand what I was feeling. But it was...nothing? Yet everything at the same time.

I tried to focus on what I had today. I had Mona. I had Dawson. I had Callum. I had Axel. I had Bentley. I had Victor, Elliot, and Keegan too. I had Sawyer. I had Eva. I had people. People who loved me. People who wouldn't ever hurt me like he did. I tried to suppress the memories. I tried to forget. I tried a lot of things but it never fucking worked. I never won. Not then, not now.

Those nights kept replaying in my brain. I felt humiliated. I felt scared. I felt angry. I felt a lot of things. And I couldn't take it. I haven't felt this much in years. Sure, I was in the process of learning to be more affectionate and vulnerable but I wasn't to the point of being able to show the hurt yet. That left me more vulnerable than anything else.

And that was my worst fear. He made me scared to be vulnerable. They all made me scared to be me and tell the truth, because at any second someone could turn on you and just decide one day that they don't love you and use everything you shared with them against you.