Just hold me. Make me feel whole again. Fill the gaping cavity, the pit of loneliness that lies within me. Don't look at me like that. I don't want to be pitied. Just understand me. Listen to me please I can't take anymore. My heart is beating too fast. Alone and scared I showed you everything. Don't leave. Get away, go you can't handle this. Wait come back let me give you a chance. Hold my heart like this. Don't drop it. I know it's terrifying but look it's beautiful. We can learn about it together. The future is enchanting. Time isn't real. Let me trust you. Help me trust you. Will I see you again? Im tired of scaring people off but let me explain. It's not that bad. Yes it is that bad I don't know how long I've got left. Let me learn about you about as many people as I can. Let me make an impact on as many lives as I can. I don't want to go before you know me. Support me and I won't go. Let's give it time. Take it slow with me I'm strong like steel but I don't know if I've been tempered or not. Will I break if you drop me? Where will I go when this is over? What happens when the last tear falls? I'm just like you. I have feelings. We're all scared. Look at me like that. I crave that kind of attention. Before you knew. I look normal right? Good days are the only thing I'll ever let you see. Can you earn the bad days? No you're exactly like all the rest. I'm just trying to get it all out of my head before I explode. It doesn't make any sense. It's ok it doesn't have to. I'm so tired of it ending this way. I'm tired of being sad. I need someone right now and I am all alone. I'm so scared.
august 12 2019
A lot of this still feels true sometimes but I trust my current partner. I don't expect him to never hurt me. I'm much more realistic with how I look at myself now. Its not about being able to handle my illness, its about supporting me while I handle and deal with my illness. Kinda crazy how much a mindset can change in a few months.
March 29th 2020
And after this happening two more times im now just focusing on learning how to be alone. May 14,2023
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Stone Fox Diary
Non-FictionPoetry thoughts and ramblings dating back to at least 2019. This is a journal that builds on itself as time goes by. Every now and then I come back, read what I've written before and make comments about it. Sometimes I just comment on what's written...
