Despicable! • JUNHAO

PART TWENTY.

「ｊｅｏｎｇｈａｎ」

My back arches off the bed with the final thrust, throwing my head back as Seungcheol finishes with a low groan.

He comes down next to me soon after, and I greet him by throwing my arms around his chest.

We lay in silence for a minute, taking a moment to collect ourselves and enjoy the aura of post intimacy.

"I love you" I say after a while, looking up at my boyfriend, who offers a tender expression as he leans down slightly to kiss me.

As he pulls away, I tap my fingers on his chest gingerly.

"You know.." I start nervously. "There's a protest next week. For gay rights!" I smile, though his expresssion is unreadable.

"Really now?"

"Really." I nod. "I think we should go help. Together." I offer.

He looks down and mumbles something inaudible.

"What's that?" I say, but he sits up and I flinch.

"Look, Hannie. Of course I'm happy I'm the way I am. I have you because of it, after all, but.."

"Oh god. You're ashamed to be with me." I mutter.

"Lord, Hannie, it's not like that! I'm ashamed that I'm not who everybody wished I was!"

"Well I'm sorry that you can't be who you want to be because of me!"

It goes silent as we hold our breath, and I slide my hand fully away from his chest.

"I think.. I want to go home." I sigh.

"Oh come on, baby, we can't let this get to us." He insists, leaning into me and gripping both of my hands.

I shake my head. "How can you say that to me when you let it get to you every single day?" I sigh, getting up and putting my clothes on despite the ache in my rear.

"Don't go, please. It's dark out there and I— I don't want you to even go one night upset with me—"

"Cheolie just let me go!" I whine.

His expression changes.

"We'll fine, go then, if you must. But don't be mad, please. I love you.." he looks down, going from frustrated to reluctant.

I nod. "I love you too." The words slip from my mouth even if I was upset— I don't think I could ever not reciprocate the words once they're spoken to me.

And so I went.

I turn into the dirt path next to the building, looking for silence. Yet as I walk, I encounter a figure leaning against the wall.

"Hello." He says as I walk past.

I get chills— my brain telling me only to nod and keep on walking.

Yet I hear another pair of footsteps behind me.

I turn around, unafraid of the small boy.

"What do you want?" I stop, yet he doesn't hesitate to walk right into my face, which makes my blood warm.

"Why hello to you too." He sears, a small Chinese accent seeping his words.

"G-Get away from me!" I grunt, pushing the boy away and walking at a faster speed, only for my arm to be grabbed.

"Putz, I suggest you come with me, where you'll get less hurt than you'll have to be."

Once this threat is laid, I struggle my arm out of his grasp, taking off as fast as I can out of the alley and into the neighboring one.

If I turn left, the motel room will be nearly right there!

As I remember this, I try to fight the jello feeling my nerves created in my legs and keep running.

I hear a car go by.

Just a little further.

Once I come to the end, I halt just for a moment, trying to aim myself at the hotel room once I run again.

And yet that split second I stopped, is all it took.
—

Why is everything blurry?

I thought I made it to the hotel..

Or maybe I just saw it, then imagined it.

It must be..

I'm moving. But I'm not controlling my body.

The boy.

—

Out of nowhere my consciousness seeps back in, hopefully for good.

I'm in a dark, musty room.

I can't feel my legs, the only thing I feel is my throbbing head and sticky blood running down the side of my head.

Behind me, I head a voice.

"..now, it's either you let me have my way.."

The boy comes from behind me, his black silhouette being the only thing I can see due to the bright moon in the long window.

"..or join them." He points a long slim finger.

Just barely, I manage to advert my gaze to the other side of the room, where rancid carcasses watch the moon.

I squint my eyes— most of them have their pants half way up or not on at all.

Even if I give him what he wants, I'm a goner.

And plus, Cheolie.

He's the only one that can have me.

No matter what.

I tear up, forcing my mouth to open through the fear with a quivering voice.

"I'd rather die than give myself to you!"

—

This pain.

Slowly, it's being replaced by the cold.

Where is it coming from?

What are these lumps under me?

Am I on that pile of bodies?

Will I rot away here?

I don't want to.

I want somebody to find me.

There's blood soaking my chest, I feel it now. I feel my core being sucked, its warmth spreading my sweater, staining it for eternity.

I can't move even if I tried.

I look out the long window, not that I could look anywhere else now. The stars are so beautiful tonight.

It looks as if they get brighter as my eyes grow duller.

God, I'm so cold.

Won't somebody come warm me up?

..Seungcheol?

..where are you?

I'm sorry we fought.

So tell me,

Won't you come find me?

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