Attraction {in editing}

Chapter 10

What do you do when you lose someone you thought you'd never lose? That's my only question.

It's like even if they treated you like shit at any moment, there's that thing that made you feel more attached everytime they pushed you away. Beau was troubled and that was it. He didn't want me to get close because he knew he'd cause something to make us fall apart. And I guess, this was it.

All I can say is say life goes on. I can't let anything dangerous happen to me or James. So I'm going to hold it in. I'm going to keep moving. It's fucking hard that he's out of my life now, but maybe he's better off. I mean he changed his number and I don't know where to find him anymore. If I try, James will too. Then the memory of the park will come back. And the fights James and Beau had. I can't handle that right now.

I put the letter down. Took a deep breath, and went inside.

"I'm sorry."

"No, it's alright. I mean it was bound to happen anyway right? I'm used to it remember?" I shrugged and put my head in my hands.

"You'll be okay. I promise."
James was always so comforting. I admired this about him. I admired the determination he held inside when he tried to make me feel better. It's what I needed right now.

"I'm so tired of everything."

"I know. One day you'll find someone. And if you don't we can always fuck shit up together?"

"Of course." I hugged him, tiptoeing as much as I could to reach him. I mean he was 6 feet tall and I'm like 5 it's pretty hard.

"Wanna watch a scary movie? Ill be the big spoon?"

I laughed and hugged him tighter, then ran upstairs.

We sat on the bed and watched netflix for a straight 3 hours. I've never laughed so hard at his jokes. I felt happy and alive. I had work the next day but I honestly didn't care if I didn't sleep. I needed to take care of myself first.

All I could hear was my alarm. I don't remember even sleeping but I guess I must've because my makeup was smudged as hell. I woke up to feeling the warmth of James spooning me with his right arm around me. I was so comfortable, but I knew I had to get up.

I shifted my body to the left and wriggled out of his grip, which only made him hold me tighter.

"James I have to go." I mumbled against my pillow

"Do you have to go..."

"I'll be back in a few hours okay?" I kissed his cheek and forced myself to get off the bed.

After showering and changing, I walked the blocks to the bookstore.

I was used to the boring days. Weeks at a time went by and the same things went on. Stacking and wheeling my squeaky ass book cart around. A lot of people would come in. We'd have our regulars, but one boy caught my eye. He had obviously dyed fiery red hair. He was about 6 feet and he always came in legendary band shirts. I'd always catch him looking toward me, then when I looked at him, he'd turn away. I was used to him being in my presence, he'd always ask me my opinion on a book or just an occasional hello.

I adjusted my nametag, accidentally pricking my finger on the pin and dropping it.

"Ow" I whispered to myself

"Here you are." The boy reached down and picked up my tag then handed it to me

"Thanks." I smiled

"No problem." Then he walked away.

I averted my eyes in his direction and smiled at the thought of how cute he was.

I continued work then headed home.